On a campus full of mysteries, there is one fence which baffles most completely.

Although the tents are gone from all of the lawns on campus, there is a new structure on one of them: an impenetrable, opaque green fence, 8 feet high, sectioning off a small area of Math Lawn. Evidently, whatever is going on inside needs to be hidden from the public eye. What could it be?

  1. Giant Animal

There must be at least one lab at Columbia that studies tigers or bears: but where should their subjects live? If this is the case, I think that we should dedicate an entire area of campus to these beasts—maybe west Butler Lawn (as long as that is a big enough space for them)—and they should be given a full zoo-style presentation. I’ve always wanted to get lost staring into the eyes of an apex predator on my way to class!

  1. Books

Columbia built Butler library when there were too many books for Low: now there are too many books for Butler, and this is their next best option!

  1. Proof that God exists

One section of CC found it at the end of last semester, and the administration has been completely unable to decide what they should do with the information. They seem to be afraid that it will destabilize the global order completely?

  1. An army of sentient crabs

Another unintended and apparently dangerous discovery: a large number of fiddler crabs from a lab on campus achieved self-perception and free will, and they immediately formed an organized military force, pinching anyone that came in their way. They were finally corralled into this fenced area, but who knows when they will manage to burrow their way out!

  1. All of my contacts

They claimed that they’re back-ordered, but I think they were really just lost inside this fence.

  1. This year’s Bacchanal performer

They accidentally booked them for every night between now and the concert, and this is where they’re being stored until then.

  1. Nuclear reactor

The first one was in the basement of Pupin, but with the classroom shortage on campus, perhaps the physics department decided they couldn’t spare the inside space – or maybe the reactor is portable, and they need to ensure that it can survive in the elements.

Tiger via hippopx

Fence via author