The following contains Hillary Clinton’s leaked application to join the staff of Bwog.

Name: Hillary Rodham Clinton

Applying for the position of: Bwog Staff Writer

About Bwog:

1. What do you think Bwog is?

To the best of my understanding, I do not think BWOG! is a word, but it is certainly a sound! It reminds me of the word ‘blog’, but also the word ‘bog’ as well as ‘BWI’, the area code for Baltimore-Washington International Airport. If I am accepted to join BWOG!, I look forward to learning what the word means!

2. Tell us about one Bwog post you liked, one post you didn’t like, and why for both.

I really enjoyed the BWOG! the article “Columbia Announces Hillary Rodham Clinton Will Join Columbia Faculty”. I found the article to be extremely entertaining and very funny, with a clear sense of humor that represents what I will bring to the table. I would love to see more content like this at BWOG!, and if I were accepted to join its staff, I would ensure that Columbia students are provided with similar content morning, afternoon and night.

However, I did not enjoy the BWOG! article “Movies That Did Not Take Place On Columbia’s Campus”. I did not find the humor particularly sharp or entertaining, and I do not see how this content could benefit anybody in any way. The spirit of the bit (the punchline, to use an industry term) was painfully obvious from the start and did not develop in any meaningful way, and if I were accepted to join BWOG!’s staff, I would ensure that readers are insulated from such meaningless, humorless drivel.

3. Come up with three sample post ideas that you would like to see on Bwog.

2girls1snack: Morton Williams Sushi

FightList: Rust Belt Voters

PeopleHop: Bill

4. Represent Bwog visually.

About you:

1. Why do you want to join Bwog?

I am looking for a community here at Columbia, and, just as the song goes, Columbia kids are smart and clever! Ha ha ha ha ha. BWOG!’s writers display humor, wit, dexterity, and heart, and I want to connect with the student population of the Best School Ever! Ha ha. You could say I’m looking for a good time at Columbia University, and nothing screams ‘good time’ like the student publication BWOG!

2. You’re taking Bwog out on a date! What would you do? Where would you go? There are no limits!

I would charter us a private jet to the romance capital of America: Fayetteville, Arkansas. When Bill first proposed to me, in Ennerdale, England in 1973, I was hesitant about committing the rest of my life to someone, even someone as charming and loyal as him, and I did not accept right away. However, after Bill moved back to Arkansas and I had the opportunity to experience such a beautiful and romantic place, I fell even more in love with him and finally agreed to join myself to him in marriage. Seeing his home in scenic Arkansas truly opened up my eyes to the depths and complexion of love, and I want to give BWOG! that same experience of self-discovery and passion.

Questions for Staff Writers:

1. What aspects of Columbia might you be interested in writing about?

I am personally very interested in assigning light-hearted, personifying attributes to buildings and institutions located on Columbia’s campus, i.e. categorizing Columbia classrooms as different types of breakfast cereal. I think I have a lot to bring to the table in terms of this style of quirky, relatable humor.

2. In what building on or near campus would you most like to spend twelve hours?

I am a huge enthusiast of the sandwich shop operated by and styled after Brooklyn-born, Staten Island-raised Chef Michael DeMartino, located in Uris Hall at the center of campus. I have never had a better sandwich than those prepared by Chef Mike himself, and as a result, I would jump at the opportunity to spend a period of twelve hours, unbroken, in Uris Hall at Columbia University. I would simply eat a Chef Mike’s Grandma’s Special submarine sandwich, kick back in the Thomas J. Watson Business Library, order another sub, and repeat for the twelve-hour duration. What fun!

3. In 50 words or less, tell us about your move-in this semester.

When I first arrived at Furnald Hall at Broadway and 115th Street, I was very excited to discover that I had been assigned a single room with a built-in air conditioning unit. (The dorm was quite roomy, and I knew there would be some late nights of sneaking Bill into my air-conditioned Furnald single!) I was also delighted by the cute green detailing present throughout the building. However, my assigned dormitory was located on the tenth floor, and when I undertook to move my belongings into my room, I found that the elevator only traveled as far as the ninth floor. This meant I had to take the stairs from the ninth floor. While I was impressed by the speed of the Furnald elevators, I was frustrated by the obstacle they presented to my move-in experience. My mini-fridge was too heavy and clunky for me to move alone, and my RA was nowhere to be found, so I called Bill (who had been enjoying himself somewhere downtown, as he likes to do) and enlisted his help to get my mini-fridge into my room. While I waited, I sat in the hallways of Furnald 9 and played Candy Crush on my phone. All of my NSOP friends had already gone either to Koronet Pizza or to Mel’s Burger Bar, so I was all alone on the ninth floor of Furnald Hall. At long last, Bill arrived and helped me carry the fridge up the flight of stairs. It was an exhausting day, but a fulfilling one! How was your move-in?

Images of Madam Secretary via Bwog Archives