Comparative Literature is the major.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Alyx Bernstein, Barnard/JTS, Comparative Literature and Talmud, London (and New Rochelle, NY). 

Claim to fame: Accidentally sparking a big fight about Israel-Palestine in a Hillel group the week before we all got sent home in 2020. Cosplaying as a rabbinical student. 

Where are you going? New York, New York. (But not Brooklyn). 

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2027? 

1. Major in a field you didn’t know existed before you came to college. Like Comparative Literature. Honestly, you should probably just major in Comparative Literature. 

2. When clubs table and give out food on campus, go hang out there for a bit after you get the free food. You never know who you might meet…

3. If you’re going to choose a room in your dorm that backs onto three Greek houses, invest in noise canceling headphones. Or just steal someone else’s. 

“Back in my day…” You could get a hot meal at Diana in less than half an hour. People talked on Milstein 2 (and only got shushed sometimes). You could actually get a table inside Hungarian.  

Favorite Columbia controversy? “Venmo me for my emotional labor.” Also that time we picketed Columbia’s campus for a day and sang Yiddish protest songs on the picket line.  

What was your favorite class at Columbia? “Contagion and the Victorian Novel” with Diana Newby, aka the class where I sat next to my best friend every week, made a conspiracy theory board of the characters in Bleak House, and wrote my final paper about how the Brides of Dracula are actually trans women. 

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? 

I may only be an Italian citizen because of the Italo-Turkish War of 1911 and the Treaty of Lausanne but you can pry my mozzarella and parmesan out of my cold, dead hands. 

Whom would you like to thank? 

Claudia, for always making the best coffee on campus. Bennett and Cassandra, for showing an 18-year-old me how special her future could be two weeks before the ED deadline. Hillel, for always being #Here4You. The Bayit, for being my home. 

One thing to do before graduating: Take a nap. Or two. Or several. 

Any regrets? Not taking more classes in the Religion department. Not going to more CMTS performances. 

Alyx Bernstein via Alyx Bernstein