Greta Gerwig died for our sins and this is how you repay her?

Dear fellow Barnard Students,

I hate you. 

No, okay maybe I don’t hate you. I am, however, disgusted by you! 

I was under the impression that we were the number one Barbie fans, and I have been nothing but disappointed. 

Maybe I was too much of an idealist. I imagined walking into parties and being greeted by everyone with a collective “Hi Barbie!” I thought that every Barnard student would be dressed as Barbie. There was going to be hot pink galore! Yet, there were more Maleficents than Barbies. There were more Coralines than Barbies! I expected that everyone would dress up as Barbie! Was that too much to ask for? Why did you do this to me? Why did you have to destroy my perfect Barbieland dream?

I’m not a woman without reason, Barnard. I was willing to accept some Allan costumes. Micheal Cera’s performance was a gift, truly, and not all Barnard students like to wear a hyper feminine bright pink. But I didn’t even see any Allans! Not one! So what the hell is the matter with you people?

Perhaps you are sick of all of the Barbie talk. I understand. I have seen a billion promotional Barbie memes. “This Barbie wants you to come to [insert boring campus event here]” gets old really quickly. I understand! Barnard has been latching onto Greta Gerwig (BC ’06) more than Columbia latches onto Obama. The Barbie craze is not as fun as it once was. Maybe you wanted to have a unique costume that no one in their right mind would have been able to guess. Watching your drunk friends struggle to piece together your niche pun is always a blast. Maybe you wanted to do a couple’s costume with your partner to prove to Instagram that you are capable of love. Maybe your friends needed someone to be the “kiss” in their “kiss, marry, kill” trio because apparently that’s a thing this year. I should just let it go. You can exert your individuality on Halloween just as much as any other day of the year. I understand.

Actually, no I don’t.

I don’t understand.

You could have been Weird Barbie, President Barbie, Writer Barbie, or Physicist Barbie! For God’s sake Barnard, I would have even accepted some Kens. The options were endless and you decided to turn your back on me and Greta Gerwig (BC ’06) herself. Everyone who chose to dress as anything other than Barbie should take a good long look at themselves in the mirror and listen to that one Billie Eilish song again.

With unabashed disappointment,

Bwog Barbie

P.S. That all being said, I did get complimented on my Barbie costume while in line at Liz’s which may be the most “Barnard student” I’ve felt since I bought my first tote bag.

Image via Wikimedia Commons