I went to Miami for spring break. Is this my karma?

I suggest you brace yourselves for this one, friends. Starting from the top, here we go!

In true Lauren fashion, I spent spring break with my favorite people (my family). Despite the circling avoid-South-Beach-trailer that the city of Miami put out, I was truly ‘out here in Miami’ as singer/rapper, Sexxy Red says. 

Getting back from the airport, the Friday before classes, my father and I were unloading the car full of luggage. In transit, we accidentally bumped heads – and by bumped, I mean slammed, and by heads, I mean skull-to-skull contact. My cranium was quite bruised. I did not think anything of it, until two days later I was both disoriented and nauseous, and my head was throbbing with every glance I took. 

I waited until the first day of classes to take a good ‘ole visit to the health center. I took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% very mildly, concussed. Yay, me! Again, in true Lauren fashion, I thought I could thug this mild concussion out, without changing my screen-time habits. By the third day back from spring break, last Wednesday, I was reminded that though my injury was mild, it was still a (somewhat) Traumatic Brain Injury. A kind athlete who empathized with my light sensitivity in my Screenwriting Fundamentals class offered me his emergency-concussion-friendly sunglasses. Might I add, they were Ray Bans… Alessia Cara was right when she sings, beauty is pain but there’s beauty in everything! 

To put a cherry on top of the first half of the first week back from break, I ate nothing but Diana pepperoni pizzas. 

My tummy and skin was quite angry with me. So, for the next few days, instead of having pizza for lunch and dinner, I opted just eating pizza for dinner (because let’s be honest, my guy that works the evening/night shift at the pizza station is a renowned chef). 
On Saturday, I had my first shift back at Free People and I had plans to see one of my best friends walk in a fashion show that was being put on by the Korean Students’ Association. After work, I came home and worked on my 10-page English literature of 1500-1600. To take a quick snack break, I went to my kitchen to make myself a well-balanced meal that consisted of greens, grains, dairy, protein, and carbs for once. While rinsing out my arugula/spinach mix, I stepped on a piece of glass that was on my kitchen floor. Not to be dramatic, but my life flashed before my eyes and the only thing that I could think of was the fact that I could have gone out like this, for making a salad… but I digress.

This piece of glass caused quite the commotion. My mom tried to take the glass out of my foot, but she was quickly caught in the oasis of blood that swarmed around us. I won’t traumatize you all with photos of what had looked like remains from a shark-attack on my kitchen floor, but I do have a screenshot of me live reporting that I prooobbbbably would not be able to go out to KSA that night. 

The blood would not stop gushing out, so my dad wrapped my foot with a towel, and we rushed on over to urgent care. Unfortunately, urgent care was not, in fact, urgent by any means. After waiting a few minutes to be treated, we were encouraged to see a different care provider. The doctor said that they would not attempt to get the glass out of my foot without an X-Ray first, but they did not have an X-Ray machine on-site. 

As I am slowly losing consciousness my parents take me to another provider. This one, ironically enough, took the glass out of my foot before taking X-Ray scans. How dystopian! 

But before this, I waited about four minutes to be seen. In these four minutes, I thought I would make use of my time and finish up my 10-page paper (and by finish up, I mean start writing a thesis statement). 

Once I was seen, the doctor, who’s name was also Lauren, worked long and hard to get the chunk of glass out of my foot. About half an hour, and two unreasonably painful numbing injections later, Dr. Lauren placed the piece of glass in a take-home cup for me to show to my professor as proof of injury, as she was Team Help Lauren Secure An Extension. My BeReal also went off mid-glass removal!

To end the day, and the week one of my best friends from home was in town, so she came over for pizza because my balanced-meal era is over! The last thing that I have to say on my foot, is that since I am in quite a bit of pain, still, I will be getting an ultrasound to locate any remaining glass. Apparently, the X-Rays only showed if bone damage had been done. Maybe after all of the medical care and bills I have had in the past week, I’ll take up STEM! 

So far, this week has been much better than last week, but I am still very surprised that I made it through without needing an extension on my essay. By my next article post, I’ll give you all an update on how I scored. 

All photos via Lauren Woodroffe