I don’t know what Co-op is and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask

This year I had the opportunity to work Columbia’s NSOP…as a Barnard student. To be fair, I assistant directed The Varsity Show’s Rally ‘Round Performance so for the most part I was just freezing to death in the Lerner Black Box, but still, I technically worked Columbia’s NSOP.

While a very strange experience, I do feel like I learned a lot. Here’s a list of facts about NSOP that I have compiled for you! These are all unequivocally true. I would know. 

1. Co-op is good. All other groups are bad?
2. The reason that everyone had to get their food from a giant tent is that the dining hall chefs were too busy cheering for random passersby on College Walk.
3. Charli XCX “brat” t-shirts are very necessary and show the first years that orientation leaders are hip with what the kidz are listening to these days!
4. The cardboard bins are the number one most desired luxury for new students! They’re actually very structurally sound and are deemed as an honor for first-year students.
5. Studies show that 100% of first-year students love NSOP-related parody music videos!
6. Wearing your lanyard is so in right now.
7. “Can’t stop, won’t stop, NSOP” is the number one most requested tattoo in local Morningside Heights tattoo parlors. 

First years, you know I love you! I love you because I understand you. Co-op, am I right? Crazy times. But anyway, happy first day of classes! May your semester be just as memorable and normal as your NSOP.

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