“Real Chef Don’s heads know the truth.”

Hillary Lee (CC’27) wasn’t always a huge fan of pizza. She thought it was just okay. Being from Connecticut, of course they have New Haven pizza, but she would be lying if she said it was a favorite food of hers.

As I sat down with her to discuss her newfound appreciation for an often misunderstood dining hall, she wanted it to be known that she is a “normal person” whose opinions should be trusted, as she has “dabbled in pizza as any good American.” Some might be shocked to know that I have found the absolute biggest self-described “Chef Don’s Head” on campus, someone who once went four out of the five days they were open.

I first wanted to understand why she preferred Chef Don’s over every other pizza option on campus. We first lamented over the loss of Grace Dodge’s pizza. Theirs was more of a flatbread, yes, but it was truly the tastiest option on campus. Oh, well.

We then discussed Ferris “pizza,” which truly should not be an option for any self respecting fan of pizza. Hillary thinks Ferris pizza is “rude to New York” and overall an abomination. It’s too thick, simultaneously dry and soggy, meaning overall there is no balance in the slice. We also discussed the strange things Ferris puts on their pizza. We respect the creativity, but seriously, curry-banana pizza? Pizza with Caesar salad on it? Strange. Unsettling. Hillary noted that although she is not lactose intolerant, Ferris pizza will give her a tummy ache.

We then discussed Barnard pizza, which many on campus do enjoy. I first wanted to discuss Hewitt, which I think has better pizza than Ferris. She agreed, but said she is scared of Barnard women, and prefers to avoid their campus if possible… Also she is a HUGE fan of the Amy’s vegan pizza and has a conspiracy theory that the Hewitt pizza is just repackaged from Amy. She would know that sauce anywhere. Also, the slices at Hewitt are so small that they make you feel big and greedy.

Next, I had to question her about Diana pizza, the only other customizable option on campus. On paper, Diana has Chef Don’s beat. Unlimited toppings. Wood fired oven. Better cheese. A slightly larger pie. But Hillary Lee has her reasons, and she gets Chef Don’s much more than Diana, even if she does agree the pizza is slightly better at Diana.

While Diana is a great competitor to Chef Don’s, apparently the customer experience that Don provides is exceptional. She stated that the experience of going to Chef Don’s is much more pleasant than Diana. First of all, since it is underrated, she says Chef Don’s always has much less people. When you order, you fill out a little form, which means it is always accurate. It is important to note that Hillary’s order is… pepperoni… black olives… and pineapple. Wow. But Chef Don does not judge. The guy who is always there is really nice.

Also at Don’s you get a bigger bang for your buck. You receive a fruit, a dessert, and a large drink from the Coke Freestyle machine (or a coffee). Hillary is a known fan of the cheese or jam pastries Chef Don’s has. Diana has a Pepsi machine, or you can get a water bottle, but this is clearly inferior. No Diet Coke. No AHA sparkling water. Boo. So Hillary thinks the crispy pizza at Diana may be better, but the Chef Don’s experience overall is superior. Diana apparently does not have pineapple, which is very important for Hillary. Although she admits the cheese is a little rubbery, the pizza will be crispy, and the sauce will be yummy. Once you get your pizza, you can put all the red pepper and parmesan that you want, unlike Ferris. She says that the SEAS nerds in the Mudd lounge do not perceive you. They are busy. They have P-sets. They also know the beauty of a Chef Don’s pizza pi that you can eat and save a little for later.

As we wrapped up, I wanted to understand why exactly she loved Chef Don’s so much. When I asked why, she boldly claimed “comparison is the thief of joy”. Chef Don’s is not the perfect NYC slice. It is not Koronet’s. But it is not marketed that way. It is the perfect place to swipe into and then hypothetically go back to McBain and eat it while watching Good Mythical Morning.

Hillary Lee is a woman who seeks the stability and reliability that Chef Don’s provides. Chef Mike’s gets enough love, but Chef Don is a humble provider. When I asked for three words to describe Chef Don’s, she offered “comforted, supported, full.”

Photos via Maggie Aufmuth and Hillary Lee