Baby’s first Columbia situationship is often a doozy…

Dating at Columbia, and in college more generally, can be difficult to figure out. Everyone is coming from ALL different parts of the world, with immensely different experiences and desires. This can be exciting and fun, but also quite scary for any 18 year old freshperson to navigate.

Columbia in specific can be a hard school to figure out, both academically and socially. On top of this, you are figuring out how to live in New York City, and all the social worlds within it.

I briefly interviewed my partner on the matter, who claimed “I enjoyed all my Situationships, you get all the physical and emotional intimacy you want without the commitment”. For many, these can be positive experiences, the word just gets thrown around and it means something different to everyone. Often, in their mind, the word “gets a negative connotation”, although they admit being on the avoidant side… It is fun to meet others at your school and explore each other, and yourself through that process.

Here are some various tips on how to not lose your soul and mind whilst dating at Columbia:

• Honesty is a virtue! With ‘Situationships’ in particular (a loose and ever changing term), people use the ambiguity to skirt around talking about their desires to their partners, and to themselves. It is more than okay to want a more casual relationship, in fact that is probably more healthy considering you are a full time student at an incredibly challenging school. Do yourself the favor to understand what you’re looking for before getting romantically, sexually, and or emotionally entangled with someone else, especially if you run in similar circles.
• Cuffing season is real… you don’t need a Barnard lover just because your bestie got one (they will prob break up by march).
• BEWARE THE NSOP RELATIONSHIP! Yes it is exciting to be out of your parent’s house, and to get to date for the first time. But latching onto the first body you find isn’t great for anyone. Explore a bit!! Remember you are capable of making friends too. The NSOP relationship often leads to the emotionally charged and unfortunately timed Breakup During Midterms Week.
• Yes Barnard lesbians are scary but you are Brave and cooler than their Urban Outfitters wardrobe and fresh mullet. Don’t let the masc shortage take away your standards!
• NYC hinge is an option, but let’s be real. You are in the perfect place to meet people and form relationships within your own community! However if you dare to go beyond, Hinge is the way to meet people off campus, or to match with someone in your LitHum, making it awkward whenever they participate and you realize they are a fool… For the twinks, you’re probably on Grindr already anyways go live your life.
• At some point you will hear people discussing ‘Marriage Pact’. It is a fun website where every year students within a school fill out a form, which then ‘matches’ you with someone you are in theory a great fit for. The idea is if nothing else works out by age 30 you settle down together… of course nobody actually gets married from this (unless…), so it is very little pressure. Fill it out if you are looking to go on the most random date of your life, or to circle up with your friends when results come out to giggle and see if you know each other’s matches.
• You are NOT crazy if you want an actual relationship. Don’t lose your old standards or try to hold out for someone who just wants to hook up.
• If you just want to hook up, being friends with benefits with someone is real and FUN! It is nice to build trust with someone who cares about you enough to respect and listen to you, and is aligned with your terms. This can only happen if you talk it thru! I briefly interviewed my partner on the matter, as we began as FWB. They claimed “I enjoyed all my Situationships, you get the physical and emotional intimacy you want without the commitment”. For many, these can be positive experiences, especially amidst a chaotic school life. It is nice to cozy up with someone you can trust. The word however means something different to everyone, so don’t listen to whatever someone on TikTok prescribes for your relationships. Often, in their mind, the word “gets a negative connotation”, which is unfair to those who may be more avoidant/unwilling to commit for whatever reasons.

It is so fun to meet others at your school and explore each other, and yourself through that process. Deep breaths, and go have fun!

Header via Bwog Archives