Gets a lil weird in prez house

CDCJ’s been doing their thing the past few days—but where’s PrezBo? We bring you answers, in the form of a night in the life of our beloved university president. 

8:52 pm

It’s been nice working from home for the past few days! God knows I don’t spend as much time as I should with my family.

8:58 pm

Should I go skiing this weekend? Maybe I should try to make the most of it before spring really sets in—that’s it, I’m calling my travel agent so we can get our tickets booked. All this pent-up energy has to go somewhere, and nature is the perfect punching bag.

9:31 pm

I wish Wien didn’t exist. It brings the property value down.

10:20 pm

Ugh, I hate myself! Why do I get distracted so easily?? I should have been doing work, but instead I started looking up office redecorating tips on Pinterest. This inspo is so hard to resist, especially when I have to re-do the office anyway—the hippies loitering in Low have made me realize there is a fundamental flaw in the way that this university approaches interior decorating.

10:42 pm

They’ve been there for how many days? Huh, I’ve been really out of the loop.

11:12 pm

“Google: what does CDJC—oh sorry,  CDCJ, stand for?”

11:58 pm

I should visit Columbia more often. It’s a nice place! A bit of a downer and the kids are too scrawny, but the gig’s not too bad. Maybe I’ll swing by tomorrow and see what these protesters want.

12:35 am

I have a lot of work, though. The Board assigned me the task of increasing tuition a month ago, and I’m starting only two days before the deadline. Guess I’m pulling an all-nighter. #PrezHouseSunrise

1:17 am

I think I left behind my notes in my office!! What do I do? Do I call Public Safety? This is so stressful and I really cannot deal with this right now. CDCJ, you’ve gone too far this time.

1:43 am

How do I get a coupon for pressed juice? Do I call Public Safety?

2:24 am

I love it when you get into a good groove and you’re doing your work like a machine and you demolish the deadlines and then you sleep on your Tempurpedic mattress and order in from Roti Roll and use all the electricity you want and write poetry about how much you support climate injustice.

2:57 am

I think I drank too much Redbull.

3:08 am

Actually, I think I’m going to get an early start on my weekend and hop into my Audi now. Nothing like a night drive to clear the mind and escape the stench of unwashed finals-laden bodies. Columbia can wait.