What will likely be stamped at the top of my next calc midterm

Bwogger Maggie Gourdin is absolutely thrilled that midterm season is coming to a close. Unfortunately, the end of midterm season also means that midterm grades will soon be returned. In preparation, please read the following to understand the universal set of emotions that you will experience during this traumatizing time. 

Stage 1: It’s Fine… Everything Is Fine

Sure this midterm is 20 percent of my final grade, but I’ll definitely still be able to get an A. All I need to do is get at least a 97 on every assignment for the rest of the semester. No problem! Even if I don’t get an A, having one B on my transcript won’t keep me from getting my dream job at Goldman Sachs… right?

Stage 2: I Am Going To Fail This Class

There is absolutely no way in hell that I could possibly even dream of passing this class. I have revised my previous calculations and found that I would, in fact, need to get a 101 on every future assignment in order to get the 4.0 GPA that I so desperately crave. I’m convinced that this class is being taught for no other reason than to crush the souls of the students taking it.

Stage 3: If You Really Think About It, This Is My Professor’s Fault

Okay, so maybe I’ve only been to half of the lectures and I wrote all of my essays the night before they were due, but my Prof really isn’t a good teacher. If they did a better job of communicating the information I know I would have gotten a better grade on that exam. The only reason I don’t go to the lectures is that they aren’t helpful at all, and no, it has nothing to do with my horrible sleep schedule.

Stage 4: Eating My Feelings

As a constantly stressed and emotionally stunted college student, I will deal with my emotions in the only way I know how: binging on carbs. Now, instead of procrastinating while watching Netflix alone in my room, I will procrastinate while watching Netflix alone in my room and eating ice cream. If you see a disheveled looking girl with a resting bitch face in Morton Williams wandering the frozen aisle wearing Old Navy pajamas, feel free to come and say hi.

Stage 5: Acceptance

I may not get an A in this class and I may not end up with a 4.0, but I think I’m going to be ok. If Bill Gates can drop out of Harvard and become one of the richest men in the world, I think my shitty midterm grades and I will be just fine. Honestly, at this point, I’m just trying to graduate without having a stress-induced psychotic break.

Image via Public Domain Pictures