With the sudden closing of e’s Bar in December 2019, residents of Morningside Heights are wondering what will be next to occupy the space between 112th and 113th St. Without any research or grounding in reality, here are my ideas:

  1. A ventilation room for Dig Inn: I think it’s high time that the stream of hot, fragrant air being pumped out from Dig got the space it deserved. With additional room and proper circulation, the air can peacefully diffuse into the atmosphere rather than blast walkers with the smell of price inflation, wet garages, and cheese.
  2. A quiet space for people who drink milk on its own to go and reflect on their shortcomings in life: Although those that argue against “milk shaming” are entitled to their wrong opinion, they still must face the consequences of believing such falsehoods. I propose that e’s bar be replaced with a large, quiet room with multiple folding chairs for those of false opinions to sit uncomfortably and think about their choices.
  3. Observation tower for those who were shafted in McBain to finally be able to see the Sun: Vitamin D is important!
  4. An NYU building: Given the demand for additional space in the NYU universe, it makes sense that they would begin to take over Morningside Heights just as we have done. After all, we could always use more people around campus- I’m tired of seeing my entire OL group every time I walk down Broadway.
  5. 2010: 2010 is a dance bar that plays songs exclusively from 2010. Imagine Gaga, Flo Rida, Usher, the Black Eyed Peas, and Kesha’s groundbreaking “Tik Tok” as the nightly mix. In this alternate timeline, 2010 rivals 1020, forcing them to match the new club’s hype.
  6. International Wines and Spirits Express: Everything you love about International, but it only sells cheap vodka in plastic bottles and boxed wine.
  7. Amazon HQ: Aren’t they moving to New York? Do they offer work-study?
  8. The Burj Khalifa: If I’m making demands…
  9. The Brownstone from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York: With this piece of cinematic history, we, as the greater Columbia community, can build traps, catch bad guys, climb down burning ropes, and throw paint cans.
  10. Terminal 5: For the sole reason that I don’t want to go that far to Bacchanal. Am I high maintenance?

Despite what I may hope for, it’ll probably be another Chase Bank…

rip from Bwog’s Archives