Quarantine is a game of Sims and we’re all too bored to change our clothes every day.

Spongebob and his Iconic square pants. Steven Universe and his star-studded t-shirt. Donald Duck and his endearing, but confusing, lack of pants. Every cartoon character has their signature Look™ that animators return to over and over again. Honestly, who wants to give a fake person having fake adventures a fully stocked closet? Animators didn’t even have time to give Donald pants!

Similarly, who wants to change their clothes every day when daily activities include waking up, scrolling through Twitter for 3 hours, half-heartedly attempting a p-set for 20 minutes, and then going back to bed? In this time of COVID-19, it makes sense to do as the animators do: pick your look and stick with it until basic hygiene forces you to throw it in the washer.

Of course, as in cartoons, your look decides what kind of character you will be during this trying time, and what kind of character you are will determine your look. To help you figure out the kind of character you’ll be in the inevitable COVID-Cartoon produced in 3 to 6 years, Bwog has compiled a highly scientific guide to match your personality to your one quarantine outfit (or vice versa).

The Endearing Sidekick

They’re a bit of a mess, but they tell funny jokes sometimes and are constantly stirring up shenanigans that the protagonist has to get them out of. They’re supportive of the underdog (see: Columbia Athletics shirt) and that always pays off, because this is a children’s cartoon. What are they going to do: lose?

  • Pajama pants with a small hole in the knee; technically part of a matching set I got for Christmas (they have polar bears on them)
  • A stained t-shirt from a Columbia athletics event
  • Bun to hide the fact I haven’t washed or combed my hair in three days
  • Surprisingly, a relatively clear face

The Dancer

This character arabesques and plies through life. They’re calm, collected, and flexible even in the roughest moments, both literally and figurative, and you want them on your side when the going gets tough. If you’re The Dancer, you’ve probably already modified your weekly practice routine and built a barre in your bathroom to keep your body and your mind in top shape for when we finally emerge on the other side.

  • Black Orchesis sweatpants and matching black Orchesis sweatshirt
  • Hair in a high bun secured with a light pink velvet scrunchie

The Forward Thinker

Dress for the weather you want to see in the world. In the cartoon world, this character is probably presented as a bit kooky, a Luna Lovegood of the television screen, but in actuality, they’re probably the person that you envy for their fashion sense. What they’re wearing right now, the rest of the world will be wearing in 6 months.

  • Short shorts, Blanket scarf.
  • Might throw on a baseball cap to hide my insane hair and a tank or a jacket (depending on temp) if I have to go outside?
  • Definitely wearing flip flops though

The Athlete

Even though the gym is closed, you want people to know that you are using this time at home to get absolutely, 100% swole. COVID-19 may have taken away your social life, but you won’t let it take your rock-hard abs from you too.

  • Bright green JV softball team shirt
  • Old navy blue PE shorts that are way too small for me
  • Half-up half-down ponytail, secured with a purple scrunchie I got during NSOP

OR

  • One of those calico hair clamps that middle-aged women think are trendy
  • Adidas track pants with my high school tennis team logo on the hip

The Trailblazing LGBTQ+ Icon

This is the character who gets tons of news articles written about them because of their ground-breaking work normalizing LGBTQ+ identity to a new generation. They are likely the subject of weird online petitions by the parents of your high school classmates and I’m probably also in love with them.

  • Lots of men’s clothing that is 2-3 sizes too large for me, that I wear cuffed. (Yet somehow, certain members of my family think I’m straight.)

The Theater Kid 

You know who you are. The only question is: have you atoned for your sins?

  • T-shirt from a show I was in in high school and black leggings. surprisingly that makes at least a month’s worth of outfits because of my overwhelming amount of both items.

The Overachiever

The Hermione Granger of this obviously theoretical ragtag bunch of house-bound college students. Probably class president in high school and one of those people who prides themselves on being “involved on campus” now. Those who wear this look definitely give off the “I’m still doing all of my homework and it’s even getting turned in on time” kind of vibes that are both annoying and infinitely enviable.

  • One of the three Stanford National Forensics Institute t-shirts that I own
  • NSOP scrunchie
    • and pants, I feel like I needed to clarify that.

OR

  • Actual jeans
  • Bra (if desired/needed)
  • A t-shirt that they change every day

our cartoon friends via Bwog Archives