Bwog Staff comes together to bring you a quick bit of nonsense for your study break.

The following Columbia chaos is brought to you by a game of Exquisite Corpse. Proceed only if you have a high tolerance for nonsense…

On PrezBo’s birthday, he sent all of us a mass text announcing some changes. Student opinion ranged from shocked outrage to utterly elated. Unfortunately, it was midterms season, so students were unable to protest due to stress. Still, a small band of impassioned alums managed a meager demonstration on Low steps. After all, the decision to replace Roaree with PrezBo’s real, secret pet lion was a shock, most of all to the small but dedicated group of students who portray Roaree, as they had JUST decided to unionize. As such, they started a Change.org petition, entitled, “Roar, Lion, Roar: Stop Big Game Hunting *pls sign*.” After all, Columbia students aren’t afraid of being a little misleading. It’s just like that time when Bwog Publisher Zack Abrams tricked us with an article that was actually written by AI. Is anything real… What if Alma is really a robot observing us? 

BC alum Greta Gerwig was filming her new indie movie with Columbia alumni Julia Stiles and Jake Gylllenhaal in JJ’s. In post-production, she consulted with Millie the Bear and decided to change filming locations to the Butler Stacks for a tasteful love scene sure to knock the socks off of her constituents at the brand new Columbia-Alum-only film festival, featuring only Warren Buffet, Beto O’Rourke, and Lorelai from Gilmore Girls. They were almost going to invite Timothée Chalamet but he’s busy preparing for his fight against PrezBo. Bwog has him hidden in a secret gym in the tunnels. The tunnels are pretty weak, though, so he was able to escape with the help of such people as the owners of the food trucks and halal carts on 116th, who then tried to bribe him with falafel to show up to the film festival in order to increase foot traffic. But unfortunately, the falafel attracted the wrong kind of foot traffic, with pigeons from all over the city waddling over to take up the offer instead. Then, Prezbo woke up.

Alma invented creativity via Flickr