RIP Mel’s, Absolute Bagels, and the gates.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Victoria Ani Melkonyan, CC, Major in Political Science and Minor in French and Francophone Studies, from Lanesborough, MA (Masshole ‘til I die!)

Claim to fame: Writing for Bwog got me cited on Wikipedia. Also, in no particular order: CESIMS Secretary-General, 2-year Kellett Fellow, Phi Beta Kappa, Charles A. Beard Prize for best political science thesis of my year, Armenian Society dictator president.

Where are you going? Oxford, for an MPhil in International Relations.

What are three things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of
2029?

  1. Your phone is bad for you. AI is bad for you. All of these devices and shortcuts stifle your creativity, your humanity, and your thirst for knowledge. Turn your phone off whenever you can, block your social media apps or get off them entirely, and be a proud Luddite. You have chosen (or at least I hope you have chosen) to attend this university because you want to learn. So, learn!
  2. You can be angry or upset with the institution that is “Columbia University in the City of New York,” and you should be. That does not mean you won’t find your people here. Find kindred spirits and it will be much easier to stomach the rest of this world’s disappointments.
  3. Do things alone. Sit in the park and read alone. Go to restaurants alone. Go sit on the Steps alone. Go to the movies alone. Learning to do things alone will a) make you seem infinitely cooler and more mysterious, b) stimulate your brain, which has more room to think and work in solitude, and c) do wonders for your self-esteem. As Carrie Bradshaw once said, “the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”
  4. (bonus) This one is for girls in the age range of 18-19, specifically. You know that horrible guy you’re dating? You don’t actually have to date him for any reason whatsoever. Cut it off, raise your bar, and don’t let anyone waste your time—ever!

“Back in my day…” Mel’s was open. Absolute Bagels was open. We got into bars using lazily edited NYC Covid passes. The question below used to be “Favorite Columbia controversy?”. The question below THAT used to be required. Most importantly (and tragically): the gates were open, and Columbia’s campus felt like a vibrant, joyous, community-oriented space. It breaks my heart that I will graduate seeing the gates remain closed, and I hope the Class of 2029 sees them opened someday.

Favorite Columbia lore? Venmo me for my emotional labor, tunnels, RankingGate (shoutout Michael Thaddeus), and **** *******’s ID being deactivated (what a laugh we had that day!).

What was your favorite class at Columbia?

  1. My thesis seminar. Write a thesis! It will be the most amazing, challenging thing you’ve ever done. No other paper or project or class has taught me more than the experience of writing my thesis.
  2. Chekhov and Others with Liza Knapp. It’s been said before in many Senior Wisdoms, and I am saying it again: Liza Knapp is one of the most astounding professors (and people) in the world.
  3. LitHum. Read your LitHum texts! Read them in full, even if your professor doesn’t require you to. They will give you a wondrous amount of context for everything that will happen in your life.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Did you know that 98% of Armenians are lactose intolerant? Oh, sorry, just listing off a fun fact. What was the question?

Whom would you like to thank? My dear bosom friends—you know who you are. My Armenian dance group. My entire loving family, but my mom especially, who worked so hard to get me here. God. My professors, especially my thesis advisor, Timothy Frye. My boyfriend. Justin Snider, the best advisor there is, who told me that the Kellett existed (and to apply!). All of the kind souls who make New York City what it is. The Hungarian Pastry Shop and The Heights. Protestors. The view from EC 1002’s living room. Myself.

One thing to do before graduating? Get on the roof of a Columbia building. Any one will do, but the higher the better.

Any regrets? Not being wild enough. Caring too much about school. Not joining an a cappella group. Ignoring the merciless march of time and waking up in May 2025 wondering where those four years went (kidding… kind of). All in all, too many to list, but I am so lucky to live a life where I have the opportunity to regret these things that I’m not particularly torn up about it.

Victoria via Victoria