Earlier this afternoon, the coordinators over at NSOP finally released their schedule book, a hefty pamphlet full of some orientation activities and some more advertising. The breakdown, day-by-day:

  • Monday: Convocation, OL meetings, Class Act/College Night, blah, blah, etc.
  • Tuesday: This year’s Lit Hum first class teacher? Gareth Williams. SEAS, on the other hand, gets the hodgepodge of “Perspectives in Science.” Score one for CC. The night’s activity for CC and SEAS is “Night Out with Your Floor,” while Barnard has the second of three “Community Nights” for floormate bonding.
  • Wednesday: Under1Roof sessions begin. The evening is occupied by Community Forum, where first-years will “experience the campus community you now share.” Both events’ lessons will be equally forgotten by Friday. And meal plans start working.
  • Thursday pre-dinner: The centerpiece of the day is “Health LIVE,” which includes “a hilarious look into the lives of Columbia and Barnard first-years trying to hang out, hook up, and fit in,” followed by small group discussions of “what consent is and how we give and get it.” Hilarious, indeed.
  • Thursday night: Both big events of the week are shoved together into one night. First up are three hours at the Central Park Zoo to “unleash your inner animal at a dance party with your classmates.” Then CC and SEAS get a nightcap: a “Michael Jackson-themed after party, where we’ll help you cram for registration.” After all, deciding which electives to take is so much easier with visions of pedophiles dancing in your head.
  • Friday: The class councils hold info sessions (insert ego joke here), and, if you have to stay on campus, there’s an Open Mic Night.
  • Saturday: Lots of walking tours. First-years, take one that’s far away from campus – it’ll be your longest city trip for the next four years.
  • Sunday: More walking tours, and student group meet and greets, plus the Performance Showcase.
  • Monday, September 8th: Even more walking tours, and JJ’s hosts a party at the end of the night.

So, there you have NSOP 2009: no Blaze, no stand-up comedy, and no concert on the Steps. War on Fun, how we hate thee.