This afternoon we received an email from a self-titled “rapidly crusting alum,” who has imparted some special words of counsel. With a full Spring semester ahead, we share this timely letter.

To: tips@bwog.com
From: Anonymous
Subject: Crusty alum advice

Hi Bwog,

I am a rapidly-crusting alum writing you from the office. And at the start of this spring semester I have some advice I was hoping you’d run as an open letter. It’s brief. Here goes.

It is the spring of ’15, you have 0.5-3.5 years of college left. During those remaining years, strive to “hold fast to the spirit of youth.” By which I mean do two things as much as is possible and responsible for you: get laid as much as you can and read as much as you can.

The simple truth is that, though you are busy right now, you’ll be a lot busier when you’re working 40+ hours per week. Because in addition to working, you will also have to pester your super, pay rent and utilities, not to mention do a ton of other horrible errands that sap your life-force if you aren’t careful.  It will be much harder for you to do a lot of valuable things, chief among them getting laid and reading.

What I mean is, at Columbia a lot of that stuff is taken care of, like rent and th [sic] super, and maybe food. And I remember wasting countless hours… on the Internet, mainly. Because there are lots of unaccounted-for hours that slip by when you are “studying.” But spending eight hours in Butler and complaining about it is really not good! Especially if you worked for four, wasted two on the internet, and moped around the other two.

So take those squishy hours, and use them to get laid and read.

When you’re working full-time, it’s very hard to meet people. And you will also find that people have their guard up—far more than they do at Columbia, and I know how it is there.

But the fact is, at Columbia, even though we don’t “have community,” there is a community in a way there is not in New York City, probably anywhere else. You’ve got a lot of mostly smart, mostly young people, most with some disposable income, and almost with more freedom than you’ll have for many years.

So people at Columbia have cleared a bar that, when you’re 25 and commuting home, the stylish stranger on the subway has not. Or even the person at the bar.

What I am saying is, ask that cute stranger in seminar out to coffee or a drink. You might have an awkward time. Go for a walk in Riverside Park. Try a museum. Go see a Shakespeare play. First dates ARE contrived. Get over that. Most first dates are awkward. That is because you are either going to end up kissing this person—and maybe doing a lot more—or end up never talking with them again.

But that risk is worth it: you might have a really nice time, and then more nice times, and develop a whole side of yourself that you weren’t aware of before you had that romance.

Even though a lot of people are lonely at Columbia, most aren’t cold yet. They want to meet someone too!

And a word to reading. I remember getting mixed up about it. Thinking that I didn’t have time for pleasure reading because ANY reading had to be work, or it was wasted time. So instead I’d kill time on Netflix. This is wrong. Try reading something light instead.  A romance. A spy novel. Middlebrow stuff. Literature. Whatever. It’s good for your mind. Read whatever gets you going. Take advantage of the library, which can get you any book published in English in 5 business days, max, and almost always much sooner. Read those old, 19th century hardbacks that are rotting in the stacks. That’s what they’re there for!

None of this is meant to belittle college anxiety, at all. There is a lot of stress. I felt miserable for a lot of semesters, on account of social situations, mostly, but also class sometimes. I was lonely. But think of that tension as spiritual growing pains. College is partly a time to find your self, free from having to sit on hold with Time Warner for 90 minutes because they sent a collector after you for a modem you returned months ago.

TLDR, spend less time looking at screens. Believe me, you will probably spend most of the rest of your waking hours doing that. Spend time looking at other people and at yourself, instead.

Yours truly,
Crusting alum