Relatable

Trash: New York City is full of it, Columbia is full of it, and Bwog is also, probably, full of it. (At least, that seems to be the opinion of many of our commenters recently.) And now that the weather is nice enough to actually venture outside for more than the five minutes it takes to get to 1020, we’re starting to notice more and more of it. Or are we starting to become it?

Rejecting The Trash:

• Mom came to town so I didn’t eat in a dining hall for two whole days and it was liberating.
• Spent over an hour getting to a lesbian bar to find out that they had strippers. Left immediately.
• Thought about hooking up with a prospie for a hot sec…until I collected myself and realized it wasn’t Worth The Drama
• Hosted two prospies, didn’t do homework so I could answer all their questions, but it’s all okay because they left me Levain cookies and a bag of candy to come home to after a long ass lab
• Took a picture of the moon at Riverside Park at 3 am.
• Went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday; she didn’t want the waitstaff to sing to her, but still wanted a candle in her piece of cake, so she asked our waiter to “keep it lowkey.” He hummed happy birthday when he brought our dessert.
• Dressed entirely too fancy for a glorified frat party
• Marched in the Persian Day Parade in midtown. (Does every group in New York get a pride parade? Because I’m down.)
• Grandparents came to town so I exploited them (food/shopping/love)
• Grandmother and I got cat called by man

Becoming The Trash:

• Bought a groupon for full highlights; contacted the salon and they don’t have appointments until mid-May. The groupon expires in July.
• Yet again proved myself as a lightweight by getting drunk off Yellow Tail in my friend’s suite and singing along to James Taylor.
• Saw my friend puke outside of Tom’s from alcohol poisoning, had to go pay his bill
• My friend tumbled off another friend’s shoulders while both were drunk. Friend 1 got a black eye and “feels like Dorothy.” We spent Saturday morning in City MD then St. Luke’s. Everything fine, we headed to Williamsburg, got high, and ate great Thai food.
• Fell asleep during two operas in one weekend.
• Attended a black tie event and my heel got caught on the steps and I face planted, only to be saved by some men in kilts. Fall resulted in full body bruising.
• Went out on Thursday night and at 1 am decided to go downtown with a friend, got to the 103rd station and decided to take it one stop and go to Toms
• Walked 3 miles for vegan pancakes just to be told the restaurant only served brunch on Saturday and Sunday. It was Friday.
• Stole a pledge manual from another frat but then was too drunk to take it with me
• Played drunk Taboo. I don’t remember how it ended but I’m sure my team won.

Embracing The Trash:

• Got high for the first time, but didn’t realize it until I noticed I had been tabbing through the same Reddit links for an hour and a half.
• Sang Hamilton for an hour in Central Park with friends. Got lots of looks. I was Burr.
• Sewed fabric onto actors’ bodies for Macbeth costuming.
• Snuck into Low Library undercover as a “post-bac going on the post-bac tour” just so I could see the sit-in in-person
• Stalked my cute TA online and found his dad’s obituary, which mentioned the TA had a gf. :/
• Marched in Take Back the Night and was extremely close to Shamus Khan. He left before I worked up the courage to talk to him.
• Made a lot of fancy brownies for a friend’s birthday, felt like Ina Garten, and ended up eating half of them with said friend at 2am on her birthday.
• Went through 6 pounds of grapes this weekend. 3 pounds of them were consumed high with friends in one sitting.
• Walked 14 miles to Brooklyn for ice cream, was definitely worth it
• Accidentally left my phone in a park in Brooklyn on Saturday night. A homeless guy found it and returned it to me in exchange for a backpack filled with Cheez-its and $20

If you’ve had close encounters of the trash kind of your own, tell us about them via tips@bwog.com or our anonymous form.

A self-aware trash can via Bwog Staff