Disclaimer: this post is written by an international student who knows essentially nothing about American Greek life. This is a parodic description of the sorority rush process as perceived by Daily Editor Youngweon Lee, a clueless foreigner.

The rush process begins about a week before the results are announced. (N.B. the word “rush,” in this context, means to join, not to hurry.) In other words, aspiring sorority members have a week to impress these organizations and convince them to pick them as their “sisters.”

About 500 girls put on heels and cute clothes and do their makeup nicely, then stand in a room to be judged on the Sunday when the rush process starts. Some of the categories of competition include racing in heels, dance-offs, who-makes-the-dg-arm-sign-the-best, and a quiz on what these Greek letters stand for. Scores are subsequently tallied, and contestants with the lowest scores are eliminated.

This exhausting process continues throughout the week; sometimes the sororities give the girls white wine to cheer them on. (There are various rituals involved as well. Legend has it that one of these rituals apparently involved a cup, and a fraternity stole said cup, and now the sorority and fraternity are waging war against each other. Over a cup.)

The goal for the rushing girls is to impress as many sororities as possible, because they don’t actually get to choose which sorority they join. Hopefully, a sorority they like is among the ones that want them to join. If that girl that your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with ends up in the same sorority as you, you’re now obligated to like her, because you’re sisters. You might also have to wake up at 5 am to do your hair and makeup and choose your outfit for Sunday brunch, to which you’re a forbidden from wearing white or pastels. (Apparently, this is a true story.)

Also, the girls rushing have to wear heels to all these events. Each sorority picks however many contestants they like, based on their own unique standards, and gives the girls a “bid.” Kind-of like an auction. The “bid” comes in a nice little envelope, and the girls have to go pick it up in Lerner. Then they’re not allowed to talk about it during their period of “strict silence” for the rest of Sunday afternoon, because it builds suspense for everyone else who is waiting on their Instagram posts and creates good publicity for the sororities.

Anyway, once you get in a sorority, you have to come up with many different ways to slaughter the Greek alphabet and horrify any passing classics majors or native Greek speakers. Some common methods are using the capital sigma as an E, the capital gamma as an R, the capital theta as an O, and the capital delta as an A, or confusing the capital omega and the capital omicron. For example: “WELCOME ABOΔΓD,” “ΔΓeam team,” “pΔΓty,” “HΘME,” “GΘLD,” etc. You also get cute t-shirts and balloons, and run around screaming on 114th to ensure that everyone in Carman, John Jay, Ruggles, and frat row can’t get any rest. Then, you have to post a million pictures on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, and add your sorority to your Instagram bio. Congratulations! You’re basically set for life.

What in sorority hell via Twitter