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Daily Archive: February 21, 2018

Feb

21

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img February 21, 20184:25 pmimg 0 Comments

Armie Hammer with our favorite Columbia dropout

The beautiful house that served as the setting of Call Me by Your Name is on sale in Lombardi, Italy. It’s fair game: anyone willing and able to purchase it can become its new, loving owner. The only caveat is that it costs $2.7 million. As broke college students, it’s hard to come up with that much money before someone else gets to the house. However, Bwog has come up with several easy ways for you to follow the footsteps of Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer!

  1. Steal all the Canada Goose jackets from frat parties and sell them all. Where are all of the Canada Goose jackets going? To our post-graduation house fund.
  2. Join the football team, where you’re guaranteed a job at Goldman Sachs when you graduate. Don’t worry if you’re not athletic, Columbia’s football team will welcome anyone with open arms.
  3. Become PrezBo’s sugar baby. This probably requires less effort than any of the other options on this list. If you’re looking for something low-commitment, this is for you.
  4. Become PrezBo. If the above doesn’t work out for you, you can always just shape-shift into PrezBo and use your hefty salary to buy the house.
  5. Leave your job as President of Barnard to become President of the Lincoln Center. You better do this fast, though! Rumor has it that DSpar has been secretly eyeing the Call Me by Your Name house.
  6. Pretend you work at the call center and get the alumni to give their donations directly to you. I’m sure Columbia alums would be more than happy to donate to an aspiring young student like yourself.
  7. Harvest and sell the marble used to build Butler. No one needs it, anyway.
  8. Sell Barnard first-year sign-ins to EC. If you live in EC, just stand outside on a Friday or Saturday night. You’ll instantly make millions!

Image via Wikimedia Commons

Feb

21

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img February 21, 20183:13 pmimg 0 Comments

eat your veggies damnit

Once upon a time, rice and pasta reigned supreme as the side dish staple for dinner plates. However, Bwog is bringing you a new alternative: couscous. Not only is it one of the tastiest side dishes around, it’s one of the easiest to prepare in a hurry. Top it off with some delicious roasted veggies, and you’ve got a meal that will keep you warm once the freezing weather reappears tomorrow. 

Ingredients:

  • Couscous
  • Any veggies you’d like! We recommend  butternut squash, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, or sweet potatoes
  • Olive Oil
  • Salt and Pepper

Eat your weight in veggies after the jump.

Feb

21

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img February 21, 20181:44 pmimg 0 Comments

If you sat on the steps of Low and didn’t post it on your Snap story, did it really happen?

It’s the end of February—one of our least favorite (but necessary) months in the year. It’s still technically winter, but why is it so fucking hot?

Hear us out: we think that we’ve figured out why it is so fucking hot on campus today. Do you remember when we first began to experience the trials and tribulations of midterms last semester? Sure, it was October (when things start cooling down), but over time, the campus appeared to wither away, almost as if the campus thrived on our unrealistic hopes of “doing all of my readings” and “being mom’s favorite.” With midterms, we slowly began spiraling, bringing the wintry mix of snow, rain, and hail that we’ve experienced since giving up. Columbia felt your pain even when you were home, and mirroring your unwillingness to be better, the campus was unable to bounce back to its  healthy state for the start of the semester. Like you, Columbia too is tired, overworked, and in hibernation.

We’re in our 6th week of this semester, and we’ve already been hearing murmurs of the upcoming summer. Sure, you might not have an impressive internship lined up yet, but doing literally anything else but studying sounds better than what you’re doing now, right? On top of that, Spring Break is just around the corner! The campus senses your anticipation and excitement, and unlike that drunk hookup, Columbia gave you something to hope for again—the satisfaction of finishing.

Or, it could be global warming.

Image via Bwog Archives

Feb

21

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img February 21, 201812:43 pmimg 0 Comments

Baskets ball.

We’ve all been on the receiving-end of a free giveaway. Just like the aspiring artists in Midtown handing out their mixtapes, Columbia is willing to lose some of their humility to get you to show some school spirit. Here’s some of our suggestions for giveaways that will really mobilize the students of Columbia. 

  • Free pizza at every game, all the time
  • More free T-shirts
  • A reserved warm cup of jungle juice when KDR “runs out”
  • Cardboard cutouts of Camille Zimmerman’s face (They do it for the men’s team!)
  • Player bobbleheads
  • A Roaree PEZ
  • VIP access to a sweaty KDR dance floor experience
  • Seat cushions so that your ass doesn’t get numb by the end of the game
  • A half (or even a third, we aren’t greedy) of a PE absence
  • The combined motivation/bravery of both the cheerleaders and dancers
  • Coupons for Columbia gear (If you want us to rep our school, it has to be affordable.)
  • The will to get through the semester
  • A good excuse to tell your professor when you inevitably fuck up
  • Free drinks, or at least a decent mixer
  • A sugar daddy (we see those alums across the court ;) )
  • Money to afford this painfully expensive school
  • A letter of recommendation from PrezBo
  • Control of the aux during games
  • A good basketball team

Image via Max Pixel.

Feb

21

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img February 21, 201811:26 amimg 0 Comments

Ugh, I bet all of these people got jobs at Goldman in October.

For those of us who are not being recruited for logical fields like consulting or finance, family events are particularly treacherous. What do you say when a non-millennial asks what you’re doing after you graduate? Saying the wrong thing can lead to follow-up questions your Creative Writing major did not prepare you for. Luckily, Staff Writer Megan Wylie is here to provide you some quick responses:

Recently, I was asked in Russian what my post-graduation plans were. I told my Step-Grandmother to translate my go-to response comprised of a longwinded explanation incorporating all my hopes and dreams, so imagine my surprise when I was then pelted with questions about how I’ve spent four years as a PoliSci and History major, and all I have to show for it is an ability to loosely define sovereignty. While this left me speechless and reaching for a glass of water,  I thought up some ways you can learn from my mistake:

  1. Let Julia Roberts answer this one for you: “I think I’m just gonna go to Bali and find myself, you know?”
  2. Praise your binge-watching skills by saying, “I think I’m gonna dedicate myself to film”
  3. Say that you’re going into computer science, and change the subject by offering to help them set up their new iPad.
  4. Point to them, say, “good question!” and hope they pick up on your awkward laughter
  5. Say you’re going into the hospitality business while you’re making an income off of putting your apartment on Airbnb at an inflated price
  6. Commit to going to the 2022 Olympics in something you can pick up fast, like luge!
  7. Confidently say,  “I’m gonna take a couple of years off and then go to law/business/journalism school,” but provide absolutely no concrete timeline so they can’t question when you’re still watching Black Mirror three years later
  8. Scream out one of those vague one-word professions, like litigation, or consulting. No one really knows what exactly that entails, but they’ll nod and pretend to know so they don’t look stupid
  9. Propose a time machine for the specific purpose of going back in time to inform your teenage self that the only way to have the assurance of employment is by focusing on science or math
  10. Turn the tables on them, and question what the fuck they’re doing with their lives
  11. Alternative choice, throw the closest person your age under the bus and ask them their post-grad plans
  12. Run to the closest exit with no warning and hope they get the message

Image via commencement.columbia.edu.

Feb

21

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img February 21, 20189:32 amimg 0 Comments

Happening in the World: After yet another attack from Islamist insurgent group Boko Haram, over 90 schoolgirls are missing from the northeastern state of Yobe, Nigeria. If confirmed, their abduction would be one of the largest since Boko Haram kidnapped over 270 schoolgirls in 2014. (Reuters International)

Happening in the U.S.: The Florida House of Representative convened on Tuesday to consider several issues. While they chose not to consider the bill banning the sale of assault weapons, they did successfully pass a bill declaring pornography a “public health risk”. Great priorities, Florida. (The Washington Post)

Happening in NYC: In news that is almost too good to be true, a food deliveryman named Bruce Lee got lost and ended up in Lincoln Tunnel during rush hour. Unfortunately, things didn’t reach a cinematic conclusion for this Bruce Lee: he was arrested for carrying a dagger. (New York Daily News)

Happening on Campus: Columbia University Amnesty International is hosting a screening of These Streets Are Watching, CopWatch’s seminal documentary on police brutality. Check it out in Hamilton 616 at 8 pm.

Tinder Pickup Line of the Day: “Im from Argentina im leaving tomorrow. Do you want to send nudes?”

Image via Keesler Air Force Base

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