Band Geeks Storm Butler
Written by Bwog Staff
The scent of anxiety oozing from Butler dissipated for about 30 minutes as the Columbia University Marching Band carried out its annual tradition of making chem majors’ lives miserable. Even though most of the orgo exams are next week. This semester, the band largely avoided campus personalities, but hit SHOCC, PrezBo, PrezBush, the West End, and Harvard with a sledgehammer. Some highlights:
– Bollinger put an embargo on Havana Central at the West End, forcing bar hoppers to take inflatable rafts out of Mexican waters from Nacho’s.
– In accordance with the Bush Administration’s “culture of losing,” Dianne Murphy was brought to replace Secretary Rumsfeld. And Scott McClellan was replaced by the Fox news ticker.
– Joe Anzalone is the Butler Masturbator (shhh!).
– Songs titled “I want to fuck you like a privileged majority” and “I hear you knocking, but you can’t get in to my Core Curriculum.”
– When Bollinger transfers to Harvard from his safety school to replace the Chauvinator, he’ll be thinking: “I’m sick of being yelled at by the Concerned Coalition of Students Concerned About Me Not Stopping Some Stupid Shit. Thank god these Harvard dipshits don’t have souls!”
By the end, people were dancing so hard that Bwog feared for the tables they stood on. Orgo Night is remarkable for two reasons: it’s one of two times all year that CUMB gets to feel cool, and one of the equally rare occasions where Bwog wipes away a tear at the ball of CU pride that swells in its chest. Could Columbia solve its much-ballyhooed spirit problem by having a round man in a blue and white polo loudly insult its consituent groups? Bwog ponders.