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Senior Wisdom: Birk Oxholm

This is the fifth post in the senior wisdom series. Read the rest here.

Birk Oxholm, CC ‘06
Claim to fame: Tripped over a grate on campus and sued Columbia.
Post grad plans: “half-time at McKinsey, half-time at Goldman, half-time at Yale Law.”

Preferred swim test stroke?

Breast.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1. A voluntaristic ontology leads to an empirical epistemology.
2. Love
____
Money (& Theory)
3. Things are always complicated, except when they’re not.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

“At least I’m not that guy” / “The world needs ditch-diggers, too.” I try to do what I can with the times I am given. May you be well and happy.

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

Anti-semitism @ Columbia–the SHOCCing truth.

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?

Tie—

a) dancing @ Clancy’s.
b) a $10,000 inedible cake.
c) when Fascist kid turned into Skater Fascist kid for like a week. That just killed me.
d)shooting a 55 on this internet golf game.

Which Prof do you think would be the best kisser?

Either Jonathan Kahn or William Theodore De Bary.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

Seven, including not myself.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

Umm, that’s a non-sequitur, bwog. Cheese is the new lingo for oral sex. Ex: My girl gave me cheese last night (cheez also acceptable). Geez, get with the times.

Days on campus memory?

Doesn’t really count, but I took shrooms with my Orientation Leader and her supermodel friend my second night here, and we kind of just laid around the whole night stroking each other.

Regrets?

Not taking shrooms more, caring, missing out on some truly incredible people.

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10 Comments

  • shira says:

    @shira yowza, who formatted this?!

  • dude says:

    @dude it was up like 30 seconds before I fixed the spacin’. cut me some slack, yo.

  • shira says:

    @shira speaks to nothing other than the fact that having finished I have nothing to do but refresh the bwog. sorry about that; carry on.

  • shira says:

    @shira having finished packing, that is

  • afraid of withdrawal says:

    @afraid of withdrawal is bwog going to be posting during the summer?

  • really? says:

    @really? did this guy really sue the school?

    1. zhb says:

      @zhb it was settled out of court, I believe.

    2. IMD says:

      @IMD Yep. You can read his story in the Current Spring issue: http://www.columbia.edu/cu/current/articles/spring2006/oxholm.html

  • yes says:

    @yes three fucking cheers for skater fascist

  • joe columbia says:

    @joe columbia this guy is a dead-ringer for david crosby.

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