As we perused the calendar of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine this morning, as is our wont, we came across the usual upcoming list of off-the-beaten-trail artistic and religious events. We know the Cathedral is always a little quirky, but if O’Reilly catches onto this stuff, we’ll go from “left-wing jihadis” to “debauched Wiccans” in no time flat.

Tomorrow, Christians make nice with the forces of evil with the

Halloween Extravaganza & Procession of Ghouls

Fri. Oct. 27 at 7 p.m. & 10 p.m.

This year’s feature is Nosferatu, the 1922 silent film classic.

 And if that isn’t enough heathen for you, wait ’til next month, when you have the

27th Annual Winter Solstice Celebration

Thur. Dec. 14, Fri. Dec. 15 at 7:30 p.m. Sat. Dec. 16 at 2 p.m. & 7:30 p.m.

Join Paul Winter, the Paul Winter Consort and other special guests for an intimate Solstice Concert.

What’s next? Roman bathouse orgies? Druidic human sacrifices? Mayans ripping out people’s hearts as Mel Gibson smiles on? We just don’t know.