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Senior Wisdom: Tess Carota

This is the 8th installement in our Senior Wisdom series…bringing you all the awesome ’07ers you should have met by now. 

jjClaims to fame:

Spectator Arts and Entertainment editor many moons ago.

Preferred swim test stroke?

I don’t have to know how to swim.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1. I can’t wear Columbia athletic apparel or use my Columbia email

address without pissing people off.

2. Full-time undergrads who put out a daily newspaper work really damn

hard. (For serious.)

3. Many ideas/theories and the like.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less.

I was asked to fill out this survey. (How meta of me.)

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?

This betrays my general lack of caring about the goings on of

Columbia, but the whole Matthew Fox thing is pretty awesome. It has

nothing to do with me, thus making the whole episode amusing rather

than irritating.

Which professor do you think would be the best kisser?

I try not to. You know what they say: don’t shit where you learn.

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?

25. That seems like a good solid number.

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?

As I can only think about smegma…. Cheese because it’s dead to me now.

(Wikipedia that shit. Ick.)

Days on campus memory?

Not going.



If you’re burning for more class of 2007 profiles, check it: Frances Howorth, Josh Bolotsky, Jenni Oki, Seth Flaxman, Maria Baibakova, Karen Fu (scroll), David Chait (scroll), Dan Okin, Anthony Walker, Nick Klagge, Claire Lackner, Paul Sonne, Karina Garcia, and Sakib Khan. 

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  • :-) says:

    @:-) Yay Tess.

  • Obviously says:

    @Obviously We are sorely missing senior wisdom from Addison Anderson. Get on it, Bwog.

  • hmm says:

    @hmm not so interesting.

  • mike says:

    @mike I thought this was pretty funny. Although I wish I hadn’t been “enlightened” about smegma.

  • in a nutshell says:

    @in a nutshell blahblahblah barnard blahblahblah inferiority complex blahblahblah oh wait i’m not funny

    1. also says:

      @also blahblahblah i just learned what smegma is i’m so cool

  • Oh God says:

    @Oh God There’s bees EVERYWHERE


    1. BEES? says:

      @BEES? BEADS?

      1. he's says:

        @he's not on board

  • Cmon Bwog says:

    @Cmon Bwog Where do you find these people?

  • seriously says:

    @seriously Arts & Entertainment Ed?

  • some of these suck says:

    @some of these suck a. bwog\spec (i know, hardly one thing..), stop picking your friends
    b. spec people, stop thinking youre all fuckin humanitarians. copy editors sit at desks staring out windows reflecting on their epic importance, this girl needs to do ANOTHER point about these selfless people who put out newspapers. fuckin shoot me. the sad part? it’s not just at school. real fuckin journalists think they’re humanitarians too. theyre all sleazebags, is the joke.

    1. ugh says:

      @ugh I agree. no one at this school is more full of themselves than the spec crowd. note to speccies: you are amateur student writers, not career journalists.

      also agreed that we need an addison anderson profile ASAP!

  • and says:

    @and you should hear about the stunt she pulled during selection of the 130th board.

    1. well says:

      @well if we should hear about it… then tell. Otherwise quit with the coy crap.

      I know a secret and I’m not telling.

  • come on says:

    @come on Tess is one of the most creative, interesting, intelligent people around. She is certainly not a sleazeball, nor does she imagine herself to be the Dalai Lama. She is happy to do her thing, and that is good enough for those of us who actually know her. The vitriol inspired by a silly questionnaire of a nice, cool, smart person makes me sad.

  • For the record... says:

    @For the record... Tess is an great girl, and incredibly intelligent. I’ve never noticed a ‘Barnard inferiority complex,’ and I don’t think her answers implied it. She didn’t say she was a ‘fuckin humanitarian,’ she just said writing and editing a newspaper is hard work. Don’t be such assholes.

    1. pishposh says:

      @pishposh There may be a “barnard inferiority complex”, but there is an ever looming columbia superiority complex.

      Jung and Adler tell us that behind every superiority is that inferiority complex!

  • call says:

    @call it an inferiority complex, but that is missing the point- she isn’t wrong.

    barnard students find themselves continuously forced to deny any affiliation with columbia lest they be seen as leeches/”backdoor” entrants into the hallowed halls of c.u.

    1. huh? says:

      @huh? I’ve never heard a barnard girl actually renouncing her columbia connection – I’ve only seen it all the more stubbornly asserted.

      1. barnard says:

        @barnard then you haven’t left john jay yet or something. because pretty much everyone i know thinks that columbia sucks the big one.

        1. cough says:

          @cough cough INFERIORITY COMPLEX cough

          1. ccboy says:

            @ccboy TESS IS AWESOME. and so are most of the other people interviewed for CC wisdom, but why are these questions so inane? They would make Gandhi seem boring.

          2. Well says:

            @Well Interesting people don’t need quirky questions…they’re interesting enough on their own that basic information should be gripping. Some of the seniors who are interviewed for this series have done well. Others have not. It’s not the questions, it’s the people.

          3. poor reading says:

            @poor reading I have to disagree with this. All of the interviewees are potentially interesting, but to my mind the questions lent themselves better to people who are caricatures of themselves like Vielkind and Tao Tan (i mean that in the NICEST possible way) than, say, someone who has potentially interesting things to say like Helam, Tess or James. What makes them interesting may not have anything to do with controversies at CU, cheese or answering stupid questions that are trying too hard to be random. These people aren’t out to perform just how cool they are, so without pointed questions they aren’t going to go out of their way to try and impress us.

  • no offense says:

    @no offense and i’m sure she’s great and all, but this is boring as shit. when she was asked to reply to this survey, couldn’t she have just said she has absolutely nothing interesting or funny to say?

    1. sure says:

      @sure well, you didn’t really have anything interesting or funny to say, but you posted here anyway. look! so did I.

  • this was... says:

    @this was... really boring. i am sure she is a lovely girl, but way too boring.

    maybe different questions?

  • ummm says:

    @ummm she’s a loser and not even a mildly interesting human being. Her responses were shit.. it’s like she answered them 5 minutes before they were due.

  • wikipedia says:

    @wikipedia Smegma, a transliteration of the Greek word σμήγμα for soap, is a combination of exfoliated (shed) epithelial cells, transudated skin oils, moisture, and bacteria that can accumulate under the foreskin of males and within the vulva of females. It has a characteristic strong odor and taste. Smegma is common to all mammals, male and female. Mycobacterium smegmatis is the characteristic bacterium involved in smegma production, and is generally thought to form smegma from epidermal secretions.

  • yo bwog says:

    @yo bwog enough spec connections for the senior wisdom. how about nina bell, pillow fight organizer extraordinaire?!?!?

  • fan says:

    @fan Tess Carota is a goddess

  • STUPID says:

    @STUPID The stupid bars on the left side of the page are blocking the stories. Make them go away.

  • what about says:

    @what about caitlin shure? mark junek? erin debold? jordy lievers? tom keenan? caitlin harrity? peter mende-siedlecki? mary beth duckett? and yes, addison anderson? the theater/varsity show contingent has been grossly underrepresented, and we know we can count on their opinions to be funny or at least totally offensive.

    1. maybe says:

      @maybe hey they still have to unleash all the interviews. yes to all the v show people. yes to all the interviewees so far. and it would seem important to include jenni oki, anthony walker and mercer.

    2. hold up says:

      @hold up scratch absolutely everyone on that list except addison anderson. blech.

  • Senior Wisdom says:

    @Senior Wisdom why not Avi Zenilman himself?

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