Dec

9

Your Source for Up to the Minute Shapiro Bar Mitzvah Coverage

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Today, Jake Shapiro, son of J-School professor Michael Shapiro and New York Times foreign editor Susan Chira, became a man. Bwog found Jake playing air hockey on the fifth floor of Lerner. Jake, a student at School at Columbia, had arrived minutes earlier from his Torah reading, for which he explained he was “troubled by disturbing suspense.” 

Easily defeating his opponent from a second game of air hockey, Jake stepped away from the table and reported that he was having a lot of fun. Though he “didn’t have a favorite present” and says he hasn’t opened them all yet, he spoke excitedly about the Mac (with Leopard!) his parents had given him for his 13th birthday.

It was four years ago that Jake’s sister, Eliza, a 17-year-old who hopes to go to Columbia (welcome to CC ’12, Eliza!), also held her Bat Mitzvah reception in Lerner. Jake isn’t sure whether or not he plans on applying here, but hopes to become a scientist. “Well, a scientists who teaches,” he clarified.

Jake’s ten-year-old cousin, Luke, son of Columbia Shakespeare professor James Shapiro, was also in attendance. Luke looked positively dapper in a red power-tie and crisp white oxford. Though Luke played basketball for the entirety of the interview, he categorized the foosball table as his “favorite game here.”

Luke, ever a gentleman and a scholar, diplomatically explained that he didn’t have a favorite Shakespeare play, but he’s “seen a lot of plays and likes them all.”

Suddenly, a man came bounding down the Lerner ramps. “Hi, Jake?” he asked, joining the conversation with a furrowed brow. “Hi, Dad!” Jake replied, cheerily.

Journalism professor Michael Shapiro introduced himself to a sheepish Bwog. He eyed Bwog’s reporter’s notebook and digital camera. Jake scurried to greet guests, Luke returned to his electronic indoor basketball.

— JNW

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31 Comments

  1. hahahaha  

    this shit is hilarious. well done bwog.

  2. haha  

    craziest columbia family ever...add e3b prof jill shapiro as the third sibiling...

  3. ugh

    please don't post things like this again.

  4. aww  

    I just got the warm fuzzies inside

  5. Re: The Shapiro's

    I was going to suggest half-jokingly after the previous post that the Bar Mitzvah in question must have been the son of one of the Columbia Shapiro's.

    Little did I know that not only was I right, but MY GOD, they ARE all related!

  6. i love this  

    I like that kid in the top picture, holding his drink and watching the air hockey game, and with his dressy-but-not-too-dressy blazer. He is obviously a stud.

  7. really  

    why was this posted? who cares? testicles drop and chicks' vaginas bleed all the time. no big deal.

  8. question  

    Is there something unethical with interviewing minors without their parents' knowledge?

  9. EAL  

    Can we keep those games on Lerner 5? That air hockey and arcade basketball is looking pretty good.

  10. mhmm  

    someone should teach the poor kid how to shoot a basketball. ohhh jewwss, we'll never change...

  11. LOLjew  

    fuck lerner hall i haz chuzzie cheese

  12. what  

    I'm more freaked out that no one in these comments has made a comment about the fact that our STUDENT CENTER is being used for a Bar Mitzvah when student groups can barely get space in there for STUDENT EVENTS

    • happens

      all the time. you must be a pre-frosh or a freshman who never visited lerner or something.

      if you want to find your student center, its called ferris booth hall, and it lies in a pile of rubble in some landfill somewhere.

      step aside folks, we have a children's birthday party to host, and we need to put the ball room somewhere.

  13. wow...  

    i guess that the bwog staff enjoys procrastination as much as i do...because only severe procrastination could lead to the writing of this stupid shit...thank you bwog, I now feel dumber for reading this.

  14. alexw  

    I wholly approve of this article.

  15. rjt  

    The fact that there exist humans who do not love this article is baffling.

  16. hehe

    add Shakespeare extraordinaire Jim Shapiro to the mix...

  17. re: space

    Did your student group get bumped from using Satow on Saturday afternoon? Then don't complain.

    Hey, if students aren't using the building, why shouldn't Lerner rent out the space during downtime? Not their fault that you don't want to use it. It's not like this event was held on thursday evening or another prime slot.

    Give me a break.

  18. roonie  

    a couple of things bother me about this. while i don't mind columbia renting out space - in the student center (that seemingly has no space to begin with), i'm not so thrilled with it happening around finals time when students are seeking out every last available space - including the student center - to study in. last semester, i remember running into some sweet sixteen on a friday or saturday night when i was trying to go through some musichum with a group that had planned on meeting outside their little party space earlier in the week. i forget where we ended up, but it wasn't the student center. the other thing that bothers me about this -- assuming those games are columbia's, how come we never see them in there? the broadway room used to be a game room, to my understanding -- a way of getting students to congregate around the student center.

    now, i feel as though there's really nothing to do in there outside of checking your mail (if you have a box in there). as someone indicated the other day, even ferris booth closes -- not just the food area, but the entire room full of tables closes.

    also, is there any reason why it's not a 24 hour building? it closes at 1am on weeknights and 3am on weekends. we have swipe/tap access to it, so what's the problem in keeping it open at all hours? by shutting it down, yet another computer lab becomes off limits in the evening / early morning.

    i don't know what columbia had in mind when it built that place, but i still have an awful time trying to see past what's become an utter waste of space in a building that seems to be falling apart. the wooden benches are all chipped and engraved. the rubber flooring, especially on the higher floors, is peeling off. few of the ethernet jacks work. the bathrooms are some of the most disgusting on campus. the elevators are ridiculously slow.

    i sometimes think they would be better off tearing it down and putting in something like a park.

    last year, spec mentioned something about the old wein food court turning into a second potential student spot. now they're going to turn it into more administrative offices (for health services, apparently). as though there aren't enough administrative offices in lerner.

    this place has a terrible community problem as it is. those older students and alumni that i've spoken with all seem to agree that the old ferris booth was a great place to actually go to on weekends. lerner, by all accounts, offers nothing except wasted space.

  19. sasha  

    this is the best post bwog has ever done.

  20. mazel tov?  

    boo! go find some better gossip, as much as i am jewish, this is not interesting

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