Every year, an ESC meeting answers all the questions. All the mysterious post-meeting activities, all the jokes that made no sense, and all the surreptitious eye contact – each explained by one ultimate meeting. Well, I probably missed it, because last night’s wasn’t the one. And it was the last meeting of the semester. Shit.

Nevertheless, I could tell right from the start that this meeting was going to be special, when the proposal enabling engineering students to take classes P/D/F was announced to have passed for a one-year trial. The council submitted a lukewarm applause, which seemed to say, “This proposal got a Pass, but you probably shouldn’t uncover the grade.”

Following up on last week’s dining initiatives, the council passed written proposals for continuous swiping at John Jay from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM. Finally, my 3:00 PM breakfasts are becoming acceptable.

Next, Class of 2008 got sentimental as Class President Eash Cumarasamy read some school-ending song lyrics to us, featuring standards by Green Day (“… I hope you had the time of your life”), Queen (“We are the champions…of the world!”), and The Beatles (“I get high with a little help from my friends”). Mixed feelings of nostalgia and excitement, like the mixed feelings of attraction I had for Nala when I watched The Lion King for the first time, filled the senior council members.

I didn’t think anything was going to top that, but the lamest last-meeting activity was yet to come: ESC superlatives. I was told to keep this dubiously entertaining award ceremony from publication, which, ultimately, is probably in the reader’s best interest. However, I can’t say I didn’t like the idea, and in its name, I’ve compiled my own list of superlatives:

Most apt symbolism: Gunnar Aasen (see here).

Best clicker: Daniel Gundrum (see here).

Most jealous: Class of 2009 (see here).

Best absurdism: Esther Zuckerman (see here).

Quickest hands: Prish Dunstan (see here).

Best apple: Granny Smith – April 7, 2008 (see here).

Fondest of beef: Eash Cumarasamy (see here, here, and here).

And finally, Liz Strauss left us with her parting statement: “It has been a pleasure to work with all of you my senior year. Thank all of you,” which was nice, especially because she didn’t finish that sentence “except Tony Gong.”

The recently elected 08-09 ESC President Peter Valeiras then took the center chair, enthusiastically explaining the agenda for the rest of the meeting: “We’re going to do an icebreaker and share some of our aspirations for this year!” New members exchanged puzzled looks around the table, as they wondered fearfully what this charismatic man had in store for them. “So everyone take a few M&Ms!”

And with that, I knew it was time for me to leave. I refuse to let ESC ruin M&Ms for me.