Post-grad plans: Living on a friends couch in the city while bartending and acting. I’ll be out West next winter teaching snowboarding.
Preferred swim test stroke? Butterfly, then desperately treading water once immediately exhausted.
What are three things you learned at Columbia?
1) You could forge your professor’s signature on the add/drop forms, and the registrar never checks or keeps a copy of that document. Hoo-rah.
2) Deadlines are a state of mind. Extensions are always given if asked the right way… (hint: no one wants a jumper)
3) You can graduate with only a concentration. Seriously, no major, no thesis. What’s lazy, has two thumbs and a B.A.? This guy.
Justify your existence in 30 words or less.
Gam Zoo Letovah
What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia?
Columbia women giving condescending looks to Barnard girls after they say, “I could have gone to Columbia, I chose Barnard”
What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience?
It’s a tie between slip and sliding on the Carman 8 floor freshmen year using laundry detergent and Saran wrap, and the time I was officially accused by the Philosophy Department of being mentally ill. Both equally epic.
Which prof do you think would be the best kisser?
What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins?
The ugly percentage.
Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese?
Oral sex is good, but cheese is forever.
Best Days on Campus memory?
The one with the hot redhead, I think that was last year’s. Wait, my DOC?
Not including obscure philosophical references when answering this questionnaire. I can’t even directly quote Foucault- how will I live?