You gotta eat your soup to compete in the WWE.

Everybody’s vomming!!! They are just fine one second and gone the next. The stomach flu going round has been described as “completely unexpected,” “devastating,” and “vengeful.” “It’s reached outbreak status,” one anonymous tipster proclaims.

If you have not been incapacitated by this mysterious (but apparently short-term) bug, you are probably suffering in other ways. “I’m a snot machine” quoth another poor student. Just because the big melt may or may not have begun, doesn’t mean it’s not cold outside, and therefore, cold in your head/nose/throat.

Apart from oozing with sympathy, we’d like to direct your attention towards Chabad’s free soup service. Through their online order form you can get Matzo Ball soup (veg option available!) delivered straight to your dorm, FOR FREE. Note the last question on the form: “Is there anything else we can help you with?” How sweet!

Image via Wikimedia