Remember when? She does.

Name, school: Sarah Sechan, GS/JTS

Claim to fame: Proud owner of the giant inflatable penis responsible for GiantInflatablePenisGate. Former CUMB Spirit Manager and Wind Ensemble VP. Badass French horn player and Cougar Town aficionado.

Where are you going? I’m staying at the Jewish Theological Seminary for a MA in Jewish Experiential Education and hopefully a Certificate in Israel Education. Following a passion AND putting the real world off for 2 more years! Such multitasking!

Three things you learned at Columbia:

1. Just because you got into Columbia doesn’t make you smart.

2. If you put dish towels near an open flame, they will catch fire.

3. Fake it till you make it.

“Back in my day…” You could do legit tunneling, and JTS had 2 meat days a week.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I don’t want to be a rabbi, but I can relate anything to the Bible. I went to band camp but never saw American Pie. Andy is my king.

Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any stories? The War on Fun has been going on since the beginning of time and will never actually end. That being said, I’ve only been a POW once. Last year, at the nth Fiddler on the Roof pit orchestra party, the party got broken up by an apologetic RA and the only person who got written up was sober. This was my one and only time in Carman.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Cheese. I have 2 wives, so my odds of awesome oral sex are really good. In theory.

Advice for the class of 2015: Visit all 5 boroughs. Know how to spell “borough.” Make friends with the security guards. They’re going to be dealing with your drunk asses for 4 years and if you get on their bad side, you’ll regret it. Find meaningful volunteer work off-campus. Join the marching band. Don’t drink vodkawine.

Any regrets? I stopped drinking vodkawine.