Housingmaster: Who Gets the Biggest Single?
Written by Bwog Staff
Q: How does Bwog recommend figuring out who gets the largest single in the suite? Does Hartley provide broadswords for this occasion?
A: While there aren’t swords in Hartley, there are pool cues; but let that be, since you don’t need to get rid of a member until Regroup. Here are guidelines for determining who gets the biggest room.
First, always respect seniority. If you’ve enlisted the help of a senior to up your odds of scoring that Ruggles suite, it’s only fair that he or she gets the largest room. If you’re all the same age, or really into egalitarianism, try drawing straws or playing rock-paper-scissors. Should you choose to play a game, make sure everyone knows the rules, and agrees to respect the outcome.
Sometimes one of your self-aware suitemates will demand the largest room with cries of, “I have the most stuff,” or, “But I’m messy and need room.” All these excuses boil down to, “I’m me. You’re not.” Swiftly suggest they read some William James, and don’t let these brash assholes take the biggest room just because nobody else will stand up to them. You’ll resent them all year.
If you consider drawing straws too mainstream (or don’t have any straws), here are some other suggestions:
- Rap battle
- Irish mercy
- Shin-kicking competition
- Lincoln-Douglas Debate
- Hot dog eating contest
- Construct an obstacle course in the John Jay lounge and race to the registration computers
Alternatively, strike some sort of chore deal: make the inhabitant of the largest room commit to cleaning the kitchen or taking out the trash more often.
If things become so dire that you’re willing to lose a friendship, and you’re a brash asshole, ask the winner to close their eyes and count to 20, then run over to the computer desks and sign up for their room before they know what happened. Next year, after they’ve moved in, fill out one of these puppies, and voila—you’ve secured yourself an extra 20 sq ft.