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Barnard’s New Mobile App Could Use Some Tweaking

You can hold Barnard in the palm of your hand

You can hold Barnard in the palm of your hand

A few days ago, Barnard launched itself into the cutting edge of communications technology with its new app, Mobile Barnard. Bwog hastily downloaded it and can now give you the full report.

It’s got some basics. Downloading it may make your life a little easier when you have a burning need for:

  • Swanky admissions information
  • Contact information for Public Safety, BCIT, and other important services as well as emergency info
  • Official Barnard news, events, videos and photos
  • Barnard’s Facebook and Twitter feeds
  • Library tools, dining hall hours and shuttle information
  • A map

However, any seasoned Dancing Bear will notice that the app has some glaring omissions. We’ve come up with some additional functions which would be simple to implement and could make the app a lot more useful:


  • Current amount of pineapple in the Hewitt fruit salad
  • Does Hewitt smell horrible right now?
  • Is the wait less than an hour at Liz’s Place? What about the Diana Cafe?

Facilities, Libraries and the Diana:

  • Is there a working printer on this goddamn campus?
  • Can I get a seat in that reading room that looks like the inside of a mitochondria?
  • Is the temperature in the library sub-zero right now?
  • Does the Barnard pool still exist?

General Barnard Life:

  • Is the surly security guard who hates me on duty at my building right now?
  • Add Milly to my photos
  • Turn my phone into a vibrator
  • How should I feel about ____ feminist/lgbtqa issue? (insert Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, Lena Dunham, the HRC profile picture campaign etc.)
  • Quick facts to help you win arguments about feminism (stats on the wage gap, advanced definition of misandry etc.)


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  • BC '15 says:

    @BC '15 “Is there a working printer on this goddamn campus?”

    FUCKING THIS. Swear to god, if some of our extra tuition next year does not go towards new printers in the library/quad/616 I will be one unhappy lady.

    1. printer help says:

      @printer help I have these sites bookmarked. add them to your life. they make life on campus so much better. use in sequence

      1. Thank you says:

        @Thank you This is one of the only useful comments I have EVER seen on bwog, which makes me want to be your friend!

  • Barnard 2016 says:

    @Barnard 2016 uh bwog if I wanted a vibrator, I’d go out and get one because I’m a STRONG BEAUTIFUL BARNARD WOMEN who ISN’T ASHAMED OF HER SEXUALITY. I don’t need no phone.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous No, you’re 19 and can’t legally drink for another two years.

      1. Barnard 2016 says:

        @Barnard 2016 Except for a vibrator isn’t some fancy cocktail. It is literally a piece of plastic that has batteries in it so it vibrates and is used as a personal masturbator…

  • ******* says:

    @******* *Twerking

  • BC '15 says:

    @BC '15 Hahahaha omg this is awesome! Good work bwog.

  • a mitochondrion says:

    @a mitochondrion mutliple mitochondria

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