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Columbia Classifieds: Ashton Kutcher Recruiting English Majors

dat hair

Maybe there is a role in the world for English majors after all: “excellent and versatile” writers, consider applying to work alongside Ashton Kutcher as the centerpiece of his new technology startup! For you seniors who are still figuring out how to avoid your parents’ basement, this could be the launchpad for your glamorous career as a writer. Or the beginning in a long line of disappointment and missed opportunities, since it seems like only one candidate will be selected. Good luck, and if you ever get famous, you can tell people Bwog started it all.  Also Ashton fucking Kutcher. May the Kelso be with you.

Not a camera commercial via Wikimedia Commons

Ashton Kutcher is looking for a writer to join a small team of designers and engineers who are cofounding a consumer-oriented technology company.  This job will require relocating to LA, and will provide an opportunity to be a part of the tech company’s founding team.  Your writing will be a centerpiece of the company?s [sic] product and will reach millions of people.

A successful candidate will be an excellent and versatile writer with strong project management skills.  This individual should have experience in creative descriptive writing and be capable of conducting research/curating content.


– Write daily creative pieces that will form a core part of the product
– Work closely with founders to curate content for application?s homepage
– Begin to screen and hire a larger editorial team


– 3+ years experience writing in college (English major or equivalent)
– Ability to take the initiative and complete a project, regardless of scope or complexity
– Meticulous attention to detail
– Creativity and taste for aesthetic beauty

How to apply

– Please send your resume along with samples (or links to samples) of your writing to

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1 Comment

  • KESLO???? says:

    @KESLO???? Step your shit up, Bwog. It’s KELSO

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