Sep

14

The Curious Case of Carman Couch Kidnapping

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A few days ago we got this tip: “Bwog! Sofa stealing is getting out of control in Carman…. I’m too lazy to take pics but come check out the posters in the Carman stairways.” Both the tipster and Bwog were too lazy to check out the posters, but these sort of shenanigans happen every year so we didn’t think much of it. Apparently now, however, one floor’s entire sent of furniture is missing, along with various pieces from other floors. From the email below, we bet some suite is living like Carman royalty:

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you, floormates. As many of you have noticed, our lounge furniture is entirely missing. This whole furniture fiasco has gotten out of control and the RAs are scheduling mandatory floor meetings to resolve the issue.

Tomorrow night at 7pm we will be meeting in the lounge. This meeting is mandatory. If our furniture isn’t back by then, please bring a pillow to sit on.

Hang in there,

[RA]

 

Incriminating photo

Update, 4:45 pm: We just received this tip: “I was privy to the couch-nappings in Carman last night and witnessed the ordeal until 6 a.m. Here is a picture that Carman 8 took of floor 13 and some of their loot […] the most salient point is that Carman 13 is the source of the douchebaggery.”

 

 

 

What fresh hell is this?

Update, 6:45 pm: Threats of retribution on Floor 11? Their couch was Saran wrapped and reads “There will be blood”
 

 

  

 
 

 

 
 
Update, 8:33 pm: Accusations fly! Vigilantes have posted the below fliers, accusing floors 12 and 13 of all
wrongdoing!

J'accuse!

J’accuse!

 

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19 Comments

  1. EYEWITNESS REPORT  

    As a resident of Carman, I was kept awake until 6 a.m. with the rest of my floor, guarding our furniture from attacks from Carman 13. We traveled up to the penthouse and found multiple couches scattered around their hall, along with miscellaneous tables and chairs. Carman 13 traveled up and down the service elevator all night, transporting their loot. When a disgruntled member of Carman 12 requested to move their couch back, their pleas were rejected and he was told to come back in the morning.

    Too long didn't read: CARMAN 13 ARE THE PERPETRATORS!!!

  2. Anonymous

    It's only September guys. Please return all the common area furniture.

  3. carman hall  

    it doesn't get better

  4. anon  

    I'm sick of these immature kids, just expel them and get some kids who actually deserve to be at columbia

  5. Pissed off

    Yo, the RAs are gonna straight merc some kids if shit is not rectified tonight. Run and tell that.

  6. Anonymous

    This is so uncool and immature and embarrassing. Where are the RA's?

  7. back in my day  

    we solved our carman furniture kidnappings by kidnapping other furniture, AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY (well at least 2/3 of everyone)

  8. Columbia Parent

    The RAs are obviously very busy doing absolutely nothing about the nightly alcohol poisoning. Infants Gone Wild! Why does the Columbia administration not care about the safety of these young humans?

  9. whatever.  

    things i want to hear less about: freshman dorms.

  10. So

    Freshmen in college and still so immature? I believe the football team has let the school down once again by not promoting a culture of nerd bashing, which would normally result in the betterment of students in general (especially weird ones)

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