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The Curious Case of Carman Couch Kidnapping

A few days ago we got this tip: “Bwog! Sofa stealing is getting out of control in Carman…. I’m too lazy to take pics but come check out the posters in the Carman stairways.” Both the tipster and Bwog were too lazy to check out the posters, but these sort of shenanigans happen every year so we didn’t think much of it. Apparently now, however, one floor’s entire sent of furniture is missing, along with various pieces from other floors. From the email below, we bet some suite is living like Carman royalty:

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you, floormates. As many of you have noticed, our lounge furniture is entirely missing. This whole furniture fiasco has gotten out of control and the RAs are scheduling mandatory floor meetings to resolve the issue.

Tomorrow night at 7pm we will be meeting in the lounge. This meeting is mandatory. If our furniture isn’t back by then, please bring a pillow to sit on.

Hang in there,

[RA]

 

Incriminating photo

Update, 4:45 pm: We just received this tip: “I was privy to the couch-nappings in Carman last night and witnessed the ordeal until 6 a.m. Here is a picture that Carman 8 took of floor 13 and some of their loot […] the most salient point is that Carman 13 is the source of the douchebaggery.”

 

 

 

What fresh hell is this?

Update, 6:45 pm: Threats of retribution on Floor 11? Their couch was Saran wrapped and reads “There will be blood”
 

 

  

 
 

 

 
 
Update, 8:33 pm: Accusations fly! Vigilantes have posted the below fliers, accusing floors 12 and 13 of all
wrongdoing!

J'accuse!

J’accuse!

 

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19 Comments

  • EYEWITNESS REPORT says:

    @EYEWITNESS REPORT As a resident of Carman, I was kept awake until 6 a.m. with the rest of my floor, guarding our furniture from attacks from Carman 13. We traveled up to the penthouse and found multiple couches scattered around their hall, along with miscellaneous tables and chairs. Carman 13 traveled up and down the service elevator all night, transporting their loot. When a disgruntled member of Carman 12 requested to move their couch back, their pleas were rejected and he was told to come back in the morning.

    Too long didn’t read: CARMAN 13 ARE THE PERPETRATORS!!!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Carman sounds like middle school students in a hotel.

    2. Carman 13 Alum says:

      @Carman 13 Alum Hold fast to the spirit of youth, let the years to come do what they may.

      Also, ceiling tiles.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous It’s only September guys. Please return all the common area furniture.

  • carman hall says:

    @carman hall it doesn’t get better

  • anon says:

    @anon I’m sick of these immature kids, just expel them and get some kids who actually deserve to be at columbia

    1. i pray says:

      @i pray we are not friends

  • Pissed off says:

    @Pissed off Yo, the RAs are gonna straight merc some kids if shit is not rectified tonight. Run and tell that.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This is so uncool and immature and embarrassing. Where are the RA’s?

  • back in my day says:

    @back in my day we solved our carman furniture kidnappings by kidnapping other furniture, AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY (well at least 2/3 of everyone)

  • Columbia Parent says:

    @Columbia Parent The RAs are obviously very busy doing absolutely nothing about the nightly alcohol poisoning. Infants Gone Wild! Why does the Columbia administration not care about the safety of these young humans?

    1. Sherry J. Wolf says:

      @Sherry J. Wolf This has to be stopped! There are college students dying in Palestine who don’t even have beer!

    2. An RA says:

      @An RA It is totally reasonable for you to be concerned about your child’s safety at Columbia. The RA’s definitely have an obligation to look after the safety of all the residents that live on their floor. Furthermore, RA’s have the obligation to set clear expectations and foster a healthy and vibrant community on their floor.

      That being said, the RA’s cannot and should not be there to stop every infraction of the rules. Columbia students make their own decisions, and sometimes make poor decisions. However, that is something that an individual RA can only influence slightly. The people who have the most influence are the parents and family members of students.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous *snaps*

        RAs are people [read college students] too.

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Fucking snaps..

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous It’s your kid

    4. yo i actually says:

      @yo i actually know the people involved. they were sober and planned this way in advance…

  • whatever. says:

    @whatever. things i want to hear less about: freshman dorms.

  • So says:

    @So Freshmen in college and still so immature? I believe the football team has let the school down once again by not promoting a culture of nerd bashing, which would normally result in the betterment of students in general (especially weird ones)

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