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Bwog’s Guide to Not Being Gross and Getting Everyone Sick

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Doctor Bwog knows her shit

What’s worse than the two papers and three midterms you have for next week? Clubbing baby seals Being sick with two papers and three midterms! Lucky for you, Mama Bwog always has your best interests at heart. Here are some tips so you can stop spreading whatever plague you’re infected with OR (even better) not get sick in the first place:

  • Pop/ swig some Vitamin C, Airborne, Halls Drops, Dayquil, generic Duane Reade sudafed (a.k.a “wal-phed” or something), etc.
  • Drink two liters of water and spend half an hour in the sauna, sweat lodge style
  • Go “full hermit” — buy yourself some canned soup, some tea, and get under your blankets. Repeat until you feel better
  • Lock yourself in the bathroom while you run a hot shower. The steam will make your sinus headache feel better and you’ll briefly be able to breathe through your nose
  • Lock yourself in the bathroom and refuse to come out until your roommate has hermetically sealed the room (just to be on the safe side)
  • Preemptively check yourself into St. Luke’s because you’re not a hypochondriac or anything, but this flu thing is really freaking you out
  • Take a hint from “Bubble Boy” and shield yourself from infection while making a fashion statement
  • Take a weekend pilgrimage to the Sanctuary at Lourdes and sacrifice a pig

Because Mama Bwog cares.

Bwog only gives medical advice to bears via Shutterstock

 

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3 Comments

  • srsly says:

    @srsly if you are sick, please don’t spread your illness in butler! aint nobody got time to get sick bc you didn’t cover your cough/stay in bed/medicate yourself.

  • Blunts in Butler says:

    @Blunts in Butler Dude. Don’t get snot on my bong.

  • Alice! says:

    @Alice! A little clarification from your friends at Alice!

    Extra vitamin C once ill and products like Airborne are really going to result in two things: 1) separating you from your money, and 2) making your urine bright yellow (body excreting extra vitamin C it cannot absorb).

    Vitamin C is great for your health, but only when consumed in regular moderate amounts over time. Once you are ill it does not help.

    If not yet sick, be sure to get your flu shot (www.health.columbia.edu/flu) and most importantly – WASH YOUR HANDS.

    A few simple prevention steps – no illness for you!

    Enjoy,
    ~Alice!

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