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The 12 Ways Columbia Will Change You

If you can't drink alone you shouldn't go here.

“I am my best company”
-Angel drinking a 40

Bwog went home over Fall Break and realized how much he/she/it had changed. Here Bwog has complied a list of the 12 ways that Columbia will change you.

  1. You can’t fall asleep without the melodious sound of sirens.
  2. Any coffee other than Oren’s just doesn’t cut it.
  3. You try to pay for everything with your CUID.
  4. You walk twice as fast as all your friends from back home.
  5. You say “problematic” and everyone walks out of the room.
  6. You constantly crave halal yet there is no halal to be found.
  7. You learned to dance around the mysterious wads of hair in the shower.
  8. You wear button-up shirts even when it is 90 degrees outside.
  9. You forget you have to buy gas to go places.
  10. You get drunk alone.
  11. Koronet seems like good pizza.
  12. When you go home, you can roll over in bed without falling off.

But you still don’t move from your fetal position.

Your saturday night via ShutterStock

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13 Comments

  • uh says:

    @uh dis is all bullshit

    only 5 &10 is tru

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous The big thing for me is how conversations with my peeps from back home are exasperatingly slow. It’s like conversations here skip two-thirds of the sentences said back in ‘Murica. Like when I try to plan a drunken food run and said, “I don’t like Arby’s,” people ask me stuff like “Don’t like Arby’s huh?” “The food not to your liking?” “So are you not okay with going to Arby’s?” which no one here bothers asking because of course I would not say I didn’t like Arby’s if it weren’t to express my disapproval for any and all Arby’s related plans and we need to go right now so I have something to throw up all over the bowling alley later tonight.

    1. Arby's_guy says:

      @Arby's_guy Fuck you Arby’s is delicious and you sir are un-American.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Out of curiosity, what part of the country are you from?

      1. OP says:

        @OP Kentucky.

  • CC '13 says:

    @CC '13 should have been titled “life after columbia.” #10 stung like a bitch.

  • 13. (SEAS) says:

    @13. (SEAS) You really begin to despise those with accents.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous What’s wrong with us foreign folk?

  • Your mom says:

    @Your mom What a stupid list. Not even amusing. Classic bwog. Plus everyone knows Joe is 10000x better than Oren’s…

    1. Arsene Wenger says:

      @Arsene Wenger Coffee is disgusting compared to Tea

  • but... says:

    @but... …I actually like Koronets.

  • gimbels lover says:

    @gimbels lover Perhaps in your part of the country, but luckily some of us live in civilized parts with halal and high levels of ambient noise.

  • 13. says:

    @13. You would rather see your classmates fail miserably than succeed.

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