Bwog sees things other people wouldn’t notice because it’s Bwog’s job. Who else would keep Columbia update on squirrel antics? Who else would try to do a liveblog of a library? Perhaps most importantly, who else would identify questionable patterns in administrator behavior? While reminiscing and going through old pictures, this gem of a PrezBo photo was uncovered. But other memories were stirring, other photo-ops with Bollinger. In every single one, he makes the same curious pose with his hands in what a cranky dance teacher might call “fig-leaf position.”

Upon further research on the internet, Bwog confirmed that our fearless leader pretty much always poses like this. In order to better get into the mind of PrezBo, Bwog attempted a bit of body language analysis:

• Lack of eye-camera contact: Maybe PrezBo imagines he is emulating the shark from Jaws with his cold, empty stare. But a refusal to look directly at a camera is indicative of something far less intimidating. Instead of seeming like a ruthless force of nature, Bollinger is instead giving an impression of deception or disrespect. The eyes are the window to the soul and you have beautiful icy blues President Bollinger! Allow us to gaze into their depths and see what it is you are hiding.
• The toothless smirk: Smiling without showing your teeth can mean just about anything. Is this an uncomfortable grin? Is he smiling out of polite toleration? Maybe it’s an attempt at seduction? It is rare to see PrezBo smiling in a photograph so there is no precedent for interpretation. However, we will add that this smile is making us a bit uncomfortable so maybe Bollinger should practice a bit in the mirror?
• Angled stance: A favorite among sorority girls and the Hollywood elite, standing at an angle to the camera makes you look…slenderer? Bwog supports body positivity, but perhaps PrezBo was feeling a bit self-conscious. It has been several months since the Fun Run.
• The Hands: By far the most curious and distinctive part of PrezBo’s body language is the hands. They are clasped loosely in front of his crotch, shoulders hunched slightly forward. This is a deeply insecure pose. He is simultaneously hunching up into a tiny ball like a hedgehog and also protecting his junk. But from what, PrezBo! There is not threat. These are your students! PrezBo might not realize that this comfy pose is sabotaging his reputation as a powerful leader of a personality cult President of a Great University. Find your Global Center PrezBo. We would recommend a power stance instead: head held high, hands at your sides or on your hips, and chest thrust forth to the world.