“Wow hun, these breasts are great!” “Do you want me to toss your salad, sweetie?” “No thanks mom, I’m still stuffed from all that dark meat.” “My daughter’s breasts are always delicious.”

Whether you decide to celebrate Columbus’ slaughtering of the natives Turkey Day or not, Daily Editor Mason Amelotte recommends you take a moment to reflect on the true nature of Thanksgiving: sex puns.

Indeed, Thanksgiving is the only holiday (other than Presidents’ Day, but that’s a different story) where sex jokes can should run rampant in a family setting. Wondering who the real kinky ones in your house are? Try dropping a few of these holiday innuendos to find out:

• I’m feeling adventurous. I think I’m going to try some dark meat this year!
• Is it ready yet? When did you put it in?
• If I don’t unbutton my pants, I think I’ll burst!
• Just reach in and grab the insides, don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty, son.
• Open up wide!
• My parents always taught me that tying the legs together keeps the inside nice and moist.
• I wasn’t expecting everyone to come all at once!

This list of innuendos is in no way comprehensive. In fact, we’re saving the best jokes for tonight at our weekly meeting. Come join us at 7PM in the SGO on the 5th floor of Lerner! Light refreshments and heavy puns will be served.

Bwog stops in for Thanksgiving dinner via Shutterstock