Tom Harford

Although we may only have one for you this semester, we bring you an Actual Wisdom from Tom Harford, Columbia professor and Dean of Students for GS. Enjoy.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: To justify my existence, you will need to consult my creator, Dean Peter Awn, who had me designed in a bio-genetics lab to serve as his avatar.

Claim to fame: Back in the day, while performing in very bad experimental theater, I was singled out for “achieving a new low” for my depiction of Orestes in a Euripides revival.

What’s your most valuable or unexpected college experience? Being tossed out of my first University as an undergrad—which was more valued than unexpected.

Back in my day… The CBGB scene was full throttle and no one could have possibly envisioned that its infamous restroom would become a Met art installation in 2013 (Punk is truly dead).

What’s the craziest student excuse/extension story you’ve heard? The student who tried to convince me she couldn’t write her paper while “Mercury was retrograde.”

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? As a member of the nascent but growing Tantric Cheese Movement, I now recognize that this question presents a false option.

What are three things you learned at Columbia?

1. Teaching Contemporary Civilization to GS students is as transformative in practice as I thought it would be in theory. I am continuously amazed by them.
2. Living in Morningside Heights is as dull in practice as I thought it would be in theory.
3. If you try to find the University Mail Room through Schermerhorn Extension, it’s likely you’ll never be heard from again.

What’s your advice to students/academics/the human race in general? 1) Beware of lumberjacks with soft hands; 2) celebrate paradox; and 3) enjoy every sandwich.