(Lit Hum) club goin up!

It’s only the beginning of the semester, so you still have a fair amount of time before you really have to buckle down and get serious in order to please your parents (who are spending over 60k a year on tuition) (hahaha capitalism) and get those As. Before the stress settles in, how about combining your love for learning and your love for altering your cognitive processes by playing a simple yet effective Lit Hum drinking game? We asked two staffers to recreate and modify the legendary game we all know and love, and the results are sure to bring out your drunken Ancient Greek side. To be played in-class.

The Warm Up:

Take a sip of your drink when…

• …someone says society or societal construct.
• …someone makes a connection to the Iliad.
• …someone says something is sexist.
• …there is a sexual reference, innuendo or sexual imagery.
• …the teacher laughs at something because it’s just so incorrect.
• …the teacher tries to make what you’re reading relevant.
• …someone brings in a personal experience.
• …someone falls asleep.
• …someone says the word “irony.”
• …someone compliments the teacher.
• …someone references something from a reading that is not yet due.
• …someone relates something random to glory.
• …you see someone online shopping during class.
• …someone says the text is “striking,” “interesting,” or any other bullshit adjective.
• …someone obnoxiously uses a literary device term that they probably don’t understand.
• …someone talks to themselves whilst someone else makes a point.
• …it’s just so obvious someone it just saying something for participation points.
• …the prof loses everyone (shit gets confusing).
• …someone thinks they know the content better than the teacher

Picking Up:

Take a shot when…

• …incest is mentioned.
• …the teacher shuts someone down.
• …you fall asleep.
• …the prof makes you all do a dramatic reading.
• …someone mispronounces a key character’s name.
• …someone sacrifices their child.
• …the person who never speaks, speaks.
• …the professor asks an open ended question and nobody responds for at least 30 seconds.
• …someone is just wrong (stop talking NOW plz).
• …someone’s phone goes off.
• …the teacher asks if everyone did the homework and everyone obviously lies as they say yes (we are all such good bullshitters, aren’t we?).
• …someone asks someone else for textual support (you aren’t the teacher, so fuck off).
• …someone says it smells like alcohol.
• …someone comes in late (if really late, take an extra drink).

There’s No Going Back Now:

Take a double shot when…

• …the teacher laughs at something because it’s just so incorrect.
• …you make a point drunk and the teacher agrees (at least kind of)
• …you notice someone else is also doing this drinking game

The Results:

We didn’t want to be vomming all over the Lit Hum professors, so we mixed ½ vodka and ½ cranberry juice in one of the Columbia Health Services water bottles (hahaha how fitting?!!). Honestly, we don’t remember much beyond walking into my morning Lit Hum class, noticing that a ton of people came in late, and seeing that at some point someone walked in really really really late. Oh yeah, and someone fell asleep. We know that as time progressed we couldn’t really feel things, and one of us kept leaning back in their chair and stretching a lot, because hey! they were relaxed. We don’t remember most of the reasons behind why we had to drink, but there were A LOT. Our drunk selves were hella good at Lit Hum AND our respective teachers told us that we made really good points (key to Lit Hum, kids? Drink in class).

We went back to some of our drunk texts/Facebook messages from that class… They mostly read: “OMGEEE THIS IS SO FUN I SHUOLD DRIK IN LITHUM ALL THE TIME,” “I htink thd bible was mean tot be rea drunk. like i understand it. and it makes so much sense. and im makjng connections. Woah,”“ <3 THE BIBLE,” “GOD DAMMINT…SHIT. BIBLE. CAN’T SAY THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN. FUCK,” “SO GOOD ATTHIS,” “I AM GONNA ACE THIS CLASS,” “BOOYAH JOB,”  “i actually think im more durnk thaned imve been at any paryt. then ive* party.*”

…so clearly we were really with it. And no one seemed to notice.

 Moral of the story from your drunken first-years? Drink in class.

Clearly cranberry and vodka via Shutterstock