Too close to home, in every way imaginable

As the year wears on, you are beginning to eschew your veneer of respectability—you are really letting your true colors shine, and sometimes that means revealing you are a gross, weird, clumsy, or totally unsympathetic person. We get it: we’re ready for winter hibernation too, despite the unseasonably warm weather and 1020’s unsuccessful attempt to force cheer on its birthday. That’s not your job, 1020!! But it’s cute. As always, tell us what you’ve been up to this week at tips@bwog.com.

You’re The Type, And It’s Great!

• “Spent all my money on raspberries, almond milk iced coffee, and shampoo for my makeup brushes.”
• “Played Sims 4 while eating Asian pears.”
• “Spent the night at my married friends’ apartment in Brooklyn on Saturday. We made smores bars and watched season 4 of the Great British Bake Off while drinking Trader Joe’s boxed wine. It was far more magical than standing in line at The Heights.”
• “In Ferris tonight I started talking to a GS student I had met drunk at 1020 (and later on the street) last Friday. He didn’t remember me/the conversation we had had but I filled him in.”
• “Stayed in on Thursday night to watch My Best Friend’s Wedding.”
• “Promised myself I was gonna grow out my bangs//just cut them to two inches above my eyebrows.”
• “Drank more beers on Saturday night than I’ve probably ever drank in my life (3 beers).”
• “So this guy I met on Tinder makes sex toys. I am in his dungeon right now.”
• “3-way make out with two girls in the middle of Mel’s was my worst and best decision of the weekend.”
• “Played wiffle ball on the Butler lawn with my fraternity…words I never thought I’d see myself write.”
• “My semester is no longer a celibate one (alas!). Almost done with Master of None (also, listen to ‘Master of None’ by Beach House and  ‘The Party & the After Party’ by The Weeknd).”
• “Found a ponytail in a Lerner trash can.”
• “Brought an international student back to my room again.”
• “Discovered that I have legitimately listened to Frank Ocean every day since I added it to my Spotify on May 23.”
• “Finished rehearsal (in Dodge) at 10:55 pm tonight, then legit ran to Hewitt. Made it to Late Night with 2 minutes to spare and got out with 3 slices of pizza. It’s times like these I’m happy I ran cross country in high school.”
• “Went to a crush party where I found out nobody specific actually selected me as their crush.”

You’re The Type, And It’s…Not So Great

• “Embraced the ~single life~ by hooking up with someone and then telling my ex about it :/ :/”
• “Ran out of maple syrup :(“
• “Went to NYU to visit a friend, and got so drunk that I convinced a random guy to buy me a McGriddle, but while he was paying I fell asleep in one of the booths.”
• “Sitting outside of Ferris CRYING because of think pieces about love and goodness and YouTube videos of The Music Man. Someone end me.”
• “Got my fake rejected at Cannon’s…..”
• “Talked my way into 2 bars and 1 smoke shop tonight. Turns out only couples go to bars so I felt sad, then got drunk and now am buying falafel and French fries. Feeling a little better maybe. lol jk so alone :”)))”
• “Crashed and burned outside of Havemeyer and ripped my tights in a few places but thought I’d escaped injury until I came home and realized my right knee is now swollen to like twice the size of my left. The perils of platforms on cobblestones.”
• “Bought 6 lighters because the bodega had a card minimum of $10. Also I remade Tinder because I’m a glutton for punishment.”
• “Became very vocal about a possible new relationship with someone in front of all of our mutual friends without the person being there and having a lot of next day regrets about being gossip-y. BUT I wasn’t carded at Apple Tree last night.”
• “Visited home and something was up with the shower head so I had to bathe with a BUCKET and PAIL.”
• “Sat on a chocolate chip in Butler and thought it was poop when I discovered it on my black denim jeans in the butt region two hours later.”
• “Spotted a soggy $5 bill on the sidewalk (it was in a puddle) and picked it up, only to throw it back on the ground after I thought about diseases.”

They’re The Type Too, We Guess

• “Went to KDR and everyone was dancing on the couches and I was just like??? That’s rly rude and gross?? But apparently people do that at frats? lol”
• “Went down to Brooklyn Friday night. As always, was reminded that Brooklyn is not a magical land of free flowing fun but just another set of neighborhoods where you can wander around and buy things. As always, was reminded that it doesn’t matter and that bars outside of Morningside are just better.”
• “My mother has gotten really into drinking gin these last couple of months…”
• Response: “me too”
• “Hewitt (hopefully temporarily) downgraded to the shitty bagels Ferris and John J use. Now there’s literally no reason for me to ever go to Hewitt again.”
• “What do you do when your professor doesn’t delineate which chapters of the book he wants you to read? Saying “selected chapters” doesn’t actually mean anything if you don’t select any chapters.”
• “Woman with shaved sides of head just made eye contact with me as she hocked a gigantic loogie on college walk. How do you ask someone to be your mentor??”
• “My friend who is a Red Bull rep just asked if Bwog would want red bull at ‘parties, meetings, whatever!'”
• “Was just asked out via Instagram comment by a high schooler I met over fall break.”
• “Ignite@CU had an evening social Saturday night in the WeWork office space in SoHo and it was the kind of office space with garage doors that are clear and for the first hour there was this middle aged overweight white dude rolling around on the street outside trying to take his pants off/put them back on (someone called the police on him later, but for the first hour people could not stop watching).”
• “My cashier’s register went crazy when I went shopping and she Snapchatted about it in front of me.”
• “My friend’s suite has a nudes wall where both suite dwellers and visitors pose in whatever version of nude is comfy with them and your photo is taken on the suite Polaroid and added to the wall promptly. My addition started a new column and I decided to pose smugly with a stained wine cork in my mouth. Granted it’s one of the more PG additions to the wall.”
• “I was really sick so I stayed in the Quad all Saturday. At some point I saw a dude really suspiciously loitering outside my window. He looked a lot like the guy who I had seen trying to set fire to the tree by the halal cart right after NSOP (I watched Barnard Public Safety carry him away) so I went downstairs to check it out. Turns out it was just a random innocent civilian who had been stood up by his date & was sulking by the tree because he didn’t know how to proceed with his life.”
• “Two people I know got stuck in the Sulz elevator for 45 minutes and had to be rescued by the fire department (they were just trying to go to MoWill to buy a corkscrew).”
• Related: “Someone STOLE my corkscrew AND my lighter this weekend (or I lost both of them, which seems really unlikely).”