What we hope our dorm will look like once we get the tree

Illegally lighting up your menorah is one thing, but what about sneaking a Christmas tree into your dorm? Bwog knows just how important holiday traditions are, and we’ve got you covered. Rite Aid on 110th has the trees, we have the answers. Here are five easy solutions we’ve compiled, à la WikiHow, on how to get that darned tree into your dorm.

1. Roll it into a rug. Worked for dead body back in the ’80s, so a tree shouldn’t be hard.

2. (Requires musical friends or A Capella group connexs). Your pals enter singing a good Christmas carol–we recommend “Joy to the World” or “Silent Night.” The security guards distracted, you surreptitiously move past the desk and into the elevator.

3. Use a duffle bag. Borrow an friend’s hockey bag, put on some sporty Columbia gear, and carry a plate of Ferris biscuits/hash browns to cultivate the full athlete look.

4. Cover it in the cardboard box your mini fridge came in. Make like you just came from the package center. Hopefully, the security guards know how FRUSTRATING the package center is, and they’ll feel bad for you.

5. Be candid. This method requires no sneaking, just some solid rhetorical/persuasive skills you picked up in CC or prep school. Tell the guards how much you miss home. How dismal your dorm room is. How sad the trees looked sitting outside Rite Aid. The guards will listen, and if they are kind enough, they will understand.

Bwog wishes you the best of luck in your endeavor, and if one of these tactics works, remember to credit where you got it from.