“Almost on page 8, binch!”

It’s everyone’s favorite time of the year—research paper season! However, we know you’re nowhere near finishing your paper and it’s probably due in the next day or so. Instead of stressing in Butler over how you’re going to fill the last 1,000 words of your 10 page paper, we have a few tips to get you through the writing process.

Warning: We do not guarantee an A with these suggestions; only a somewhat successfully completed paper. That’s at least 50 points right there!

• Stop searching with JSTOR and head over to Google Scholar. The interface is easier to read and understand, making it a more enjoyable research experience for yourself.
• Need 5 more required sources? Look at the references section of the papers you’ve already cited instead of wasting time on a search engine. These citations will most likely be relevant to your topic, and the paper probably already summarized the findings for you.
• Start getting wordy. We know every professor’s critique is to be concise, but it can’t help to throw in a few extra wordy phrases to boost up your word count. Do the opposite of what this tells you to do to be concise.
• Change your spacing from double spaced to 2.5. What TA is going to measure your line spacing to make sure it’s right?
• Block quotes! One of the best ways to take up half a page is to find some lengthy quotation from one of your references to include in your body. You’ll be able to ident the whole thing to add some length, as well! However, don’t forget to provide a little analysis of the quote in the paper to actually get credit for including it. Bonus points if you can find a quote that is a whole page long.
• Make a thoughtful font choice. Cambria comes out looking pretty large even at 12 pt.
• It never hurts to consider adding a rebuttal paragraph near the end of the paper. While the whole purpose of your paper is to make a claim, showing how your paper could be argued against makes you seem like a humble (only a little bit of a smart-ass) student.
• Write a note for the last page of your paper pleading your TA/professor to take pity on you and give you a decent grade. Doesn’t hurt to also throw in that your dog died and you’ve been crying on FaceTime to your parents for the past week.

The fuckboy in your class via Shutterstock