A Morton Williams bag drifting through the wind … sad and lonely … just like our love lives

So, Valentine’s Day was yesterday. It probably could’ve gone better. We know. Your mom knows. Your small and not particularly dedicated Instagram following knows. Bwog’s Valentine’s weekend was, well, mixed. (The good attendance at yesterday’s evening meeting probably says something about our collective love life.)

Loving Love:

• Prayed for my teacher to get in an accident so I could get out of class in time to buy formation tickets; she injured a ligament in her leg and let us out 15 minutes early
• Babysitting family gave me homemade banana bread (in addition to $100 ty based god)
• My parents sent me a cookie cake for Valentine’s Day, thanks real fam
• Found a working download link for TLOP within 10 minutes of looking for one. Thanks, God.
• Drank a can of 4 loko during the Penn game with the Band
• Took four big ass bites out of a random guys burrito at 1020 yesterday; we’re Facebook friends today
• My roommate started playing an audio clip of lemon grab from adventure time screaming “UNACCEPTABLE” whenever my girlfriend and I would kiss in the room
• My mother sent me a Harry and David’s box of 16 pears
• Received roses from my parents for Valentine’s Day.
• Went to bed at midnight on Thursday after convincing my mom to donate to WGBH so i could catch up on past episodes of Downton Abbey.
• Went to a seedy halal African buffet place and was amused by my life decisions.
• Tried to DJ unsuccessfully at a party Saturday then tried to bartend, somewhat more successfully, mostly just spilled alcohol all over the ground
• And: Stole wine then apologized and still took it again
• Woke up yesterday after a night of degeneracy with Undertale torrented on my laptop. Proceeded to play Undertale throughout the day.
• Experienced European wax center for first time
• Got a text from a dude I’m into asking what I’m doing tonight but I sent him a download link to Life of Pablo instead of a real answer
• I think my Valentine this year was my cashier at Trader Joe’s this morning
• Was told that i had promised to not quote Hamilton during sex, responded, “I would have never made that promise.”
• Felt like Pablo

Loving The Idea Of Love:

• Went to Furnald for the first time; expected much better rooms
• Told my mom about being religious, she said Broadway Presbyterian doesn’t count & to find a black church in Harlem
• Was invited to dinner on Saturday by friend’s mom, friend and I thought it would be fun to walk around a bit beforehand/explore new parts of city. Ended up getting lost in Tribeca in -5 weather; eating a ton of free samples at Whole Foods.
• Procrastinated on Shamus Khan
• Went to Hewitt and they actually only had meatballs
• May have yelled too many insults at Penn during the game
• Silently judged fairweather Butlerites who leave early evening during the week/mid afternoon during the weekend
• Spent more time drinking than working on my research paper (front end is due Friday yikes)
• Had to put my laundry through the dryer for two full hours because it was still wet after the first hour. But at least it was warm when it came out.
• Felt disappointed by men at 1020 (second weekend in a row!)
• Drunkenly agreed to download Tinder and go on 5 dates in the next 6 months if my friend writes a Bwog personal. She wrote it, and I can’t believe drunk me agreed to this.
• Spent Thursday night/Friday morning from approx. 11pm to 6am writing fanfiction. Got about 1.5 hours of sleep.
• Part two: Proceeded to drink irresponsibly on Friday night and puke in the 20th floor EC lounge.
• Part three: Ended up sleeping in an EC suite for 5 hours, sprinting across campus back to my dorm, then sleeping in my room for another 5 hours.
• Finally: Made the discovery that nice fanfiction comments are the best hangover remedy.
• Worked on my novel
• Called my dad and he told me he was spending presidents day going to a wolf conservation center (?) still confused
• Did my first ~real~ tequila shot, with lime and salt and everything. Eh.
• Came back from dinner at 8 on Friday and fell asleep for two hours; woke up and friend invited me to come to party. I was worried i wouldn’t know anyone but I went. It was lit. I also took Midol and then found myself throwing up all night; my friend had to crawl under stall to reach me, I was falling asleep on toilet.
• Took Jell-O shots at Sig Chi. Felt really sticky after.
• Bummed cigarettes from a pledge because that’s what pledges are for
• Read Burroughs all day Saturday and wrote a lot of notes in all-caps while high Saturday night that upon a re-reading make me seem like I’m writing some doomsday text
• Embarrassed myself doing bad karaoke with a random kid from my LitHum class; we sang a romantic duet that was received poorly.
• And then: Was interrupted while watching a romantic comedy by another kid from my LitHum class, who silently skulked behind my chair and watched with me until I got wise and moved away.
• Finally: Got my nails done by a friend while watching said romantic comedy. (((and proceeded to gossip about all the weirdos in our LitHum class with her for three hours)))
• Possibly started a podcast
• Went to the Whitney and all of the men in he museum looked like they were about to cry
• Got my nails painted for free and messed them all up about 2 mins later
• Related: Didn’t listen to the florist and carried my valentine’s lilies to my dorm uncovered; they froze and died
• Ran into my NSOP hookup and had a dry conversation about the weather
• Part of the Hewitt Valentine’s decor included fuzzy red handcuffs hanging on the action station; my friend stole them, then broke them in half later when she cuffed herself to an ugly dude at a frat party

Loving That Valentine’s Day Is Finally Over:

• Skipped a party because it was too cold to go outside.
• Somehow spent $120 on pancakes, oatmeal, tea, and oj at the Waldorf
• Ate a peanut butter sandwich and wanted to throw up
• Had to call Hartley after my suitemate’s boyfriend/”brother” threw up in our sink and completely coated it with his vomit.
• Got rather drunk and made excessively pretentious comments re human condition
• Related: Spent Friday very hungover
• And: Also spent Friday having an identity crisis about newfound drunken pretension
• Wrestled internally with Latin ad infinitum Sunday to Wednesday
• Was called “Florence Nightingale” by a man in a suit.
• Nearly got hypothermia in the Brooks study lounge.
• Gave up buying cigarettes until this sickness has been cured
• Took a cab from Mel’s to Plimpton because it was too cold
• While canvassing for Doctors without Borders, I was told by a stranger that “maybe doctors should have borders”
• Braved the 12 degree weather on Saturday to go to a coffee shop near Union Square to write a paper. Was successfully avoiding human contact for the first four hours until a grown man tried to make conversation, despite my headphones. Invited me to his place to “warm up.”
• And then: Left said coffee shop immediately, with work unfinished. Have not done any more work since. #bitter #about #men
• Gave a tour to a group from my hs. They’re juniors so I don’t know any of them, and now I feel too much like an adult.
• Related: Couldn’t remember if/when wine goes bad. Not an adult.
• Snuck into Spectails to see my friend perform, had a horrible time and left immediately
• Felt single digit temperatures for the first time in my life (@california)
• Lost my phone and ID’s and shit and cried for two hours
• Then: Spent Sunday canceling my bank card and searching/freezing for my phone in riverside park because apparently Find My iPhone is about 2-4 blocks completely incorrect
• And finally: My friend found my phone in his pocket and all of my distress was for naught
• Was forced to take a cold shower every day because my roommate spends literally an hour in the bathroom each day around the time when Carman hot water runs out
• Asked my brother to be my valentine – he said no. Rude as hell. whatever tho
• Got hit by free-flying Amazon package in windstorm on Friday

Did anything fun over the weekend? Did anything embarrassing over the weekend? Hit us up at tips@bwog.com (or, if it was really embarrassing, use our anonymous tip form.)

Us in MoWi bag form via Bwog Staff