Chickpeas or vomit? A superb owl would probably be able to tell

As you’re probably painfully aware, the SuperBowl was yesterday. And, as you are also probably painfully aware, the most recent problematic short-lived meme is calling the SuperBowl the Superb Owl. As a patron of sports, owls, and (occasionally) memes, Bwog has titled this week’s field notes accordingly. Predictably, some of us are more superb than others.

Superb Owls:

• Complained about Gloria Steinem and white feminism at a bougie bar in Midtown.
• Had a deep and meaningful conversation that I don’t remember, woke up to a text saying what a great listener I had been
• Went to Arts and Crafts for the first time. Realized they have my ideal demographic: all of the Columbia male TAs.
• Watched the SuperBowl pretending to know what the flaming hell was going on. Eli Manning has a fivehead. That’s all.
• Lost my shit at Lady Gaga performing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl
• Got super drunk at pregame only to go out for an hour and come back early because I had to babysit in the morning
• Went to a SuperBowl party solely to take advantage of the free food and procrastinate on homework
• Watched the super bowl by myself even though I don’t care about football or either of the teams playing
• Watched the Puppy Bowl. Team Fluff was robbed.
• Crashed a Chinese New Year semi-party with a friend, didn’t know anyone but the food was good
• Went sadly sober to a high school reunion.
• Then: After went to NYU bar where Zack (and Cody) from Suite Life happened to be. 75% pretty sure it was Dylan Sprouse and not Cole.
• And part three: When we asked to take a picture he said to look sexy and mysterious, in which I just looked constipated.
• Spent three and a half hours in Ferris doing nothing, got lunch and dinner off one swipe
• Opened the oven to bake some brownies in the floor lounge (the good-kid kind) only to discover a 6-pack of beers. May or may not have snagged some.
• Got drunk and ate 23 fortune cookies (saved all the fortunes, don’t worry)

More Superb Owls:

• Refused to call this guy anything except Bryson Tiller the entire night, thought I was annoying the fuck out of him but we ended up hooking up
• Bought my first pair of Doc Martens. Felt instantly cooler and poorer.
• Built a gravity bong
• Got an uneventful haircut, but I think my barber now remembers (and likes!) me, which is pretty neat
• Came the closest to pulling an all-nighter I have thus far in my life … because I was writing fanfiction
• Went to a frat party for the first time since I got cava’ed during NSOP, and experienced mildly traumatic reveries while posing for pictures next to every awkward hook up on the dance floor.
• Drunkly proclaimed I have the nicest ankles on the West Coast
• Brought lunch from John Jay (plates and all) and sat on low steps to enjoy the sunshine, got some looks from a tour group
• Accidentally smoked out my friend’s dog with weed Waka Flaka gave her
• Spent four hours hanging coats at some posh newsletter launch, got paid 60 bucks so it was worth it I guess
• Went on a date
• Surprised my friend with those trendy metallic letter balloons that spelled out her name for her birthday, when she went to the bathroom I rearranged them to spell my name so I could take a narcissistic pic (yes her name conveniently anagrammed to my name)
• Tried to get into a rooftop bar with no ID (not even real ID)
• Related: did a suicide shot in return for a free fake ID (snort salt, drink tequila, squeeze lime in eyes- if you do this in Amsterdam you get it for free #funfacts)
• Friend asked me to get her on Ivy League snap story and I did
• Ordered two entrees at Urth Cafe and ate them both

Less Superb Owls:

• Was disappointed by men at 1020.
• Cried a lot in hamdel
• Lost my voice at a bar.
• Drank multiple cranberry vodkas while my friend did sit-ups on the floor next to me and make me feel inadequate. It was 7pm.
• And then: proceeded to continue lugging around my vodka (actually spelt voda) throughout the night.
• Broke the Sulz elevator by attempting to hit the quan (involved jumping) and had to be rescued by FDNY after sitting in broken elevator for half an hour
• Waited 15 minutes to take an Uber to the nearest subway, just to end up taking another Uber from there to UWS.
• Flew to California for a dentist appointment to find out my appointment was cancelled last Tuesday
• Visited Hogan for the first time, only to become acutely aware of my substandard living situation
• Walked a friend to Riverside Park at 2 am (while accompanied by another friend) so she could do some sus ass shit that we all knew was going to be a bad decision. It was windy and cold, and a humongous black raccoon darted across our path, diverting our path and scaring the shit out of us. A truly surreal experience.
• Reached out to half the people in my Contacts for a weed hookup
• Related: Got said weed and smoked for the first time in a year
• Was awakened at 4 am by girlfriend’s roommate sleep talking loudly in Korean
• Realized how dam high the subway trash cans are when I had to tippy-toe just to yak in one of them.
• Developed a hacking cough.
• Got carded at a house party? And left because I was so insulted even though I only look 2
• I had this sudden thought Sunday: I am ageing out of american apparel tennis skirts.
• Stayed in two nights in a row. Told my friends I was swamped with work. Ended up drinking alone and listening to sad music (very necessary).
• No matter how much I drank I couldn’t get drunk and I was angry about it.
• Part two: Also one of my drinks didn’t even have alcohol in it. Tried yelling to my friends about it but they couldn’t hear me.
• And then: Later while shopping in MoWillies I got incredibly sad listening to “No Such Thing” by John Mayer, so maybe I was drunk after all.
• The finale: Post-John Mayer blues, I felt very introspective as I walked through the Barnard gates with my shopping bag of applesauce.
• Attended Bwog meeting extremely hungover
• Frantically tried to catch up on work, didn’t work very well
• Repeatedly lost the online Hamilton lottery.
• Attempted to stage door after seeing Allegiance despite leaving the theater too late to get a good spot; was (rightly) yelled at by an old Chinese lady for invading her space.
• While my friend was throwing up in the men’s restroom a dude walked in, asked if we were okay, and then took a massive shit in the stall next to us
• Ended the night eating nachos at 4am. Still lactose intolerant.
• RA banged on the door because my suitemate is smoking weed and now I’m wondering what the consequences will be tomorrow.
• Almost fell down a flight of stairs in the Mathematics building, near death experience at its finest
• Almost got into 3 serious car accidents
• Thought I made a new friend, did not actually make a new friend

Superb overseen via Bwog Staff