Photo courtesy of Mel’s Burger Bar

Have you had your fake ID, or your dignity, or both, damaged by the Mel’s bouncer? 100% of you should’ve answered “yes.” One brave Bwogger has a response.

Dear asshole,

I never thought I would have to write a letter like this after high school. I thought my days of dolling up for a man’s approval in order to get into a party were long behind me. I thought I’d grown up by now, but I was wrong.

I guess the fact that I can legally get in and that your bar is practically empty means nothing to you, but I didn’t know this a few hours ago. So, earlier tonight, I take some shots and head out, looking fine as all hell. I walk over to Mel’s, happy, dazed, and warm, and I meet up with my WHITE friend. When we reach the redneck burger bar we are delighted but not surprised to see there’s nobody waiting in line to get in. Great, we think, now we don’t have to freeze our asses off while you let white girls in one by one. But this is where the problem starts.

Do you have to bully every single person before letting them in? Do you have to make them stand outside in the cold while you bifurcate their ID’s? People go out and celebrate after a rough week of midterms and papers, so do you really think that we want to stand there freezing our asses off to answer more quiz questions? And stop bending our licenses so much, we studied and paid for that shit. If you break it you buy it, bitch.

Furthermore, every time I answer one of your petty questions, I don’t need you to shake your head in disappointment like your parents probably do when they see you. I know that you let me in, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make me feel ugly or unwelcome.

I don’t like having men looking me up and down so often as you do, judging me by some hotness meter that you made up. One that, may I add, you wouldn’t even come close to being on. And don’t think I don’t notice that the bar is 90% white people, and you let them in no problem, but with a name like Mel’s, it seems expected.

This bar is located near a university. One that admits people from all over the world, and in all shapes and sizes. You can’t discriminate to maintain some white-washed aesthetic that you imagine Mel’s should have.

So next time a group of people shows up at your door, try not to worry or anger them by bending the card that they studied and paid for. Some of us don’t have the endless barrage of cash that Spec seems to have, nor the time to just cruise over to the DMV to get a new license, and seeing you bend and crease these ID’s agitates us to the point of wanting to bitch slap you across the face.

I’m just trying to make your job easier. Cut down the questions, and cut down the time that we have to stand outside, pretending to respect you. You are the reason why Mel’s looks more and more empty every weekend. People don’t want to deal with your bloated ego and your bullshit.

And finally, don’t question the non-white people more than the white people. It’s rude and racist.

And, also, fuck you.

-Angry bar-goer