The lit-est (litiest? most lit? best lit?) view we know

There are only a couple of weeks left in the semester, and that can mean only one thing: we’re starting to give up. CC reading? Haven’t done it yet. Physics problem set? Barely started. Polisci paper? Thought about it. A little. These days, we’re prioritizing the truly important parts of college life: getting lit and getting sleep.

Too Lit To Be Tired:

• Broke my celibacy on a Tuesday.
• Went to both the MoMA and the Met in one day. (Have I become a “cultured New Yorker” yet?)
• Somewhat related: Walked home (from the Met) through Central Park in the rain while listening to The Mountain Goats; felt appropriately poetic and melancholy.
• Went to Staton Island and had a shockingly fabulous time: ferries are both over and underrated
• Got a 6-person suite in 600s
• Didn’t fall in my heels at Delta Sig Crush.
• Was given balloons from Columbia housing; gave one to the statue of Pan, one to the 116th halal guy, and one other to my RA friend who saved me from the housing lottery.
• Sent my mom a picture of boyfriend and I at a vegetarian dim sum place. She asked how many other people were there to share all that food. It was just us two. And we had no leftovers.
• Got really drunk and ate an entire pie in one sitting with my roommate
• Went to another gay bar where everyone was at least 10 years older than me
• Went to 1020 with an ID that wasn’t mine, looked nothing like me and said I was Turkish.
• Got interrogated by Mel’s asshole bouncer the got annoyed and grabbed my ID from him and let myself in
• Went to my prep school’s alumni event and got smashed on the open bar; went to my friend’s even nicer prep school alumni event and did the same thing.
• Woke up at 1.30pm still drunk from the night before; it made my bagel highly enjoyable.
• Hugged my crush three times in a night and texted all my friends about it because I’m an innocent. Later looked up info on interfaith marriages.
• Went out with a frat and was the only girl with 40 guys. Was very assured of my heterosexuality.
• When Barnard wifi went down, boyfriend and I became desperate for entertainment and went on Photobooth whilst high. Craziness ensued.
• Broke into a community park thing (where they plant the plants??) and had a highly emotional chat with a friend. Got kicked out by security.
• Read 4 different articles about how to hide a hickey/make it go away quicker. none of them worked. Gave up and embraced the sluttiness within.
• Finished Shamus Khan essay before Bwog sunset/sunrise #anythingispossible
• Got written up by an angry RA for noise violation because I was laughing too much applying my face mask.

Too Tired To Be Lit:

• You don’t want to hear my field notes for the rest of the year: they are all going to be sad and involve getting high and watching the Graduate and weeping
• Got fucked over in housing because even your best friends are backstabbers in the housing bloodbath
• My boyfriend (not a New Yorker) dragged me to Absolute Bagels 4 times in 3 days
• Took my little brother (not a New Yorker) to Lafayette + Prince St and watched as he unleashed his inner hype beast in street wear consignment stores
• Got blackout on Thursday at an alumni event for my high school.
• Went to my high school alumni event, avoided people I didn’t like until I was too drunk to realize I was saying “I never liked you” to their faces.
• Felt really gross after an encounter at a bar with international grad students.
• Got whole milk spilled all over my vegan leather bag at Joe’s
• Barnard’s fucking wifi went out Friday and Saturday night, interrupting my Gilmore Girls watching with my friend
• Decided to chill out Saturday night: put Full Metal Jacket up on a projector, smoked a j after I made a pledge get me some coffee, took a quarter bar, went to International to purchase wine, smoked some cigs with wine while talking about brotherhood, took another quarter bar, smoked some more, learned what a speedball is, got a free sandwich from Hamdel and then returned to Carman for a nice night’s sleep.
• Bitched about the same girl with five people I randomly encountered throughout the night, because we have nothing in common besides our dislike for this girl.
• Got really high and ordered Dominos at 3 am. Thought I only ate half but was really sad when I found an empty pizza box and a bloated stomach the next day
• Some guy was canvassing outside of Trader Joe’s on Sunday morning and asked me if I was ready for Hillary. I was so triggered.
• Got a noise violation for verbally reacting to someone’s bleeding gums
• Spent TWO HOURS locating my coat (which contained my phone and CUID) in the DSig house
• Made sexual faces to friend across the subway only to realize two men behind her enjoying what I was giving
• Got my ass slapped by a stranger while walking on the Highline at night and had to hold my girlfriend back from trying to fight a group of 10 drunk white men
• Spent more time in Butler on Friday than I did in bed, still knocked out a fairly good paper
• Ordered something different from Starbucks, barista asked what was going on with me
• Line at 1020 was too long so I crossed the street and peed on sidewalk.

If you think you’re more lit than we are (or more unlucky than we are), send us your field notes via tips@bwog.com or our anonymous form.