Fix this now

Ostensibly, Carman has three elevators: two slow people-movers right past the security desk, and one freight elevator, if you’re willing to climb steps and walk through empty, circuitous, vaguely-menacing hallways. Of course, this hasn’t been the reality for the past few days—nearly a week. Instead, there has been only one operational elevator in a building housing nearly 600 hot-headed, “social” first-years, resulting in large crowds and widespread bitterness. Why are the other elevators still out of service after a WEEK?? Why does it take so long to repair what is essentially a moving vomit box? Why do Carman residents lack elevator etiquette? Perhaps most importantly, why hasn’t Aaron Hukari sent us a gif-laden apology email with empty but beautiful promises? Honestly, Carman: get it together.

We’ve endured winter’s onslaught without hot water, mice in our dorms, and the sheer indignity of being the quintessential (and worst?) first-year dorm. Adding to this: some of us have been forced to exercise by taking the stairs, since we don’t wish to become intimately acquainted with the armpit of a 6’3″ athlete. Whether this is a nefarious plot to continue Columbia’s 2016 Energy Challenge by reducing electricity usage or a late-year attempt to foster unity through shared disgruntlement, it’s annoying and we’re really out of shape, so please stop.

Bwog’s prediction: the elevator will be back today or tomorrow, or there will be a protest.

We Are Forced to Exercise via Bwog Staff