We don’t just enjoy guilt trips. We run the travel agency.

Leo Bevilacqua, resident New York Jew, is back with a revamped edition of “The 7 Deadly Columbia Sins.” This month has given us a lot to be thankful guilty for! Without further a do, here’s the article brought to you by ‘Feh!’ and ‘Oy vey!’

In honor of the highest of high holidays, Yom Kippur (a.k.a. The Hunger Game for the Jews), Bwog is hear to explain why you might have missed the mark for ‘The Book of Life.’ For those readers who are not well versed in the various agonizing rituals that constitute The High Holidays, God apparently inscribes the name of all the good people of the world into a book so they may live out the next year. Unfortunately, even the good are subjected to all the screwballs and Gulati pop quizzes that life and Columbia seems to throw on the regular. In other words, “may the odds be ever in your favor.” In anticipation of the 25-hour fast, Bwog wants to give every student regardless of creed the chance to fess up their transgression in the spirit of ‘Jewish guilt.’ Tis the season to be sorry!

  1. Gluttony – Skipping class so that you can avoid the long line at Shake Shack, a.k.a over-priced JJ’s a.k.a why you currently (or will soon) live in sweatpants.
  2. Lust – Hooking up with that kid in your anthro class during the class trip to the Natural History Museum.
  3. Greed – Stuffing three Passion Planners into your backpack despite the long line behind you at whatever Diana Hall give-a-way you’re currently attending.
  4. Pride – Correcting a professor on a translation of a Greek/Latin word because your 11th grade Latin teacher at Exeter said so.
  5. Wrath – Filing a lengthy complaint against your seamless delivery guy because they could not find you in NoCo fast enough.
  6. Envy – Eviscerating a club that rejected you in the company of another friend that was accepted by said club.
  7. Sloth – Ditching your 2:10pm Film & Politics seminar so that you can nap, despite this being your only class of the day.
  8. *Despair – Getting featured on @sadcolumbiaboys and refusing to smile in any group picture because it “ruins your aesthetic.”

*According to the Greek Orthodox Church, there is an 8th deadly sin, which is quite possibly the most quintessentially Columbian.