The overlap between Lit Hum students and Carman residents is considerable enough that new Bwoggers Michael Wang and Zoe Ewing calculated the fastest way to get from one end of campus to the other. Beware the Butler smoke.
Your roommate taps on your shoulder.“Don’t you have a 10:10 today?”
You drowsily roll over and look at your phone. It’s 10:06 a.m. Your roommate is right: Lit Hum starts at 10:10.“Fuck!” you say, probably. Let’s pretend you actually care about your classes and you want to get to Lit Hum, which is located in Hamilton. What do you do? Luckily, we’re here to help.
There are 3 different routes from Hamilton to Carman (4, if you include jumping across the fence and taking the ~hypoteneuse~, but we’re not agile or geometrically literate enough for that). Each is technically 0.2 miles long but the exact distance in feet could make the difference between sneaking in at the last minute and walking in to 22 stares at the exact moment your professor says “phallic image.”
Route #1: The College Walk Route
Distance: 908 ft
This route seems pretty nice. You get the ~aesthetic~ of walking down College Walk like a true Columbian (not the nationality), and the long stretch along the path from the 114th street gates to College Walk feels satisfyingly direct. But is it the most efficient route possible? Probably not. But until they take down the tree lights, we say this is the best path if you want the scenic route.
Route #2: Strutting down the center path Distance: 908 ft
If you ever need a boost to your self-esteem, this is the best option. Don’t walk on the pavement though; the only way to walk this path is through the grass median. There’s nothing more satisfying than trampling millions of tiny grass people on your way to class and, as a plus, you can stare down the couples making out at the benches on your way to discuss Greek incest. It’s the exact same distance as Route #1, so plan according to your mood.
Route #3: Cigarette smoke
Distance: 816 ft
This path is probably the fast-track to Hamilton, but it’s also probably the fast-track to lung cancer. You have to walk the entire length of the path in front of Butler, weaving your way through clouds of deadly smoke like a French soldier in World War I. Yes, it’s the shortest path, but at what cost?