Ah, yes. Finals week. The time of year when we here at Bwog get the most flak for the writing the most nonsensical posts. “This isn’t journalism,” you might argue. And you might be right. But great outcomes come from the smallest ideas, as someone probably once said or something. And this post came from a small idea: we misheard someone saying “campus figure” as “campus finger,” and we knew we were onto something. So, here are fingers of Bwog staff members as important campus figures and institutions. If you have a finger you think represents a figure not mentioned here, leave it in the comments below!
“Dean Kromm because I’ve been tearing them apart due to stress but I figure if I do the bare minimum/ignore it everything will fine.”
“My thumb is Dean Hinkson, because her policies are about as antiquated as someone saying, ‘DO YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME SIR’”
“My left index finger is CPS, because it’s really messed up (this gross hangnail situation) but no one’s fixing it”
“Columbia Dining as my right index because pretty and useful but admin thinks avocado toast solves mental health instead of focusing on the real issues (cuz pic is blurry)”
“Prezbo as my right middle finger because wrinkled, distant, doesn’t really contribute anything meaningful, and kinda just sits around”
“Sian Beilock because my pinky is small, awkward, twitchy, and pretty useless”
“Sian Beilock is my middle finger because she said fuck democracy and fuck the students”
bwog is everyone's middle finger
deantini is a toe
next up: campus fingers as bowls of water
one year ago nobody at barnard knew who sian beilock was and now she's two whole fingers
remember when we were actually optimistic about a new barnard president
to quote bwog's wikicu page: 'bwog stays active during finals; they immediately regretted that decision but such is life.'